Module Content

Here are some examples of how other students used these strategies and some potential action items for you that you can record in the Narrative Outline 2.0 part of your workbook.

Heads-up: You don't have to do all these, of course. Read through and see which ones spark ideas for you.

Five Ways to Raise the Stakes in Your Essay
(and Make Your Challenges + Effects More Compelling)

1. Make sure we understand what you wanted.

Clarifying your want helps us care about what you cared about. Here's an example opening:

It was Easter and we should've been celebrating with our family, but my father had locked us in the house. If he wasn't going out, neither were my mother and I.

To read the rest, check out the "Easter" essay.

The author's want: freedom. Once we know this, we want that freedom for her too.

Here's another example:

The clock was remarkably slow as I sat, legs tightly crossed, squirming at my desk. "Just raise your hand," my mind pleaded, "ask." But despite my urgent need to visit the restroom, I remained seated, begging time to move faster. You see, I was that type of kid to eat French Fries dry because I couldn't confront the McDonalds cashier for some Heinz packets. I was also the type to sit crying in front of school instead of asking the office if it could check on my late ride. Essentially, I chose to struggle through a problem if the solution involved speaking out against it.

To read the rest, check out the "With Debate" essay.

The author's want: to come out of her shell (aka not be shy anymore). Again, once we know what she wants, we start wanting that for her too. This draws us into her perspective so we root for her.

How do you clarify the 'want' in your essay?

Ask yourself, "What did I want more than anything? How could I get the reader to see/feel/sense that? And is there a deeper "want" underneath what might be more obvious to you?" For example: "I thought I wanted a family vacation or a physical item or experience. But what I wanted underneath all that was something non-physical: intimacy, love, connection to family, adventure, to experience new places, to learn something new." You wouldn't probably write it out in these words, by the way, but this is how the thought process might go.

[action_item]

Potential Action Item: If this sounds like an interesting idea, spend 3-4 minutes brainstorming what your want might be, or might have been.

2. Help us understand the effects of your challenge ... on you.

Briefly describe the repercussions of your challenge on your personal life. In short, why was your challenge a big deal to you?

This technique is especially useful if the challenge doesn't immediately seem like a big deal. In the excerpt you just read, for example, the author describes being shy. No big deal, right?

She raises the stakes, however, by letting us know how it impacted her life:

My diffidence was frustrating. My parents relied on me, the only one able to speak English, to guide them, and always anticipated the best from me. However, as calls for help grew, the more defunct I became. I felt that every move I made, it was a gamble between success and failure. For me, the fear of failure and disappointment far outweighed the possibility of triumph, so I took no action and chose to silently suffer under pressure.

How do you do this for your essay?

Ask yourself: "What changed in my life as a result of this challenge? How might my life have been different from someone who didn't go through the same experience?" Describing these can provide some "so what" insights to help us understand the impact of your challenge(s) on you.

[action_item] 

Potential Action Item: If this sounds like an interesting idea, spend 3-4 minutes brainstorming changes you saw in your life based on your challenge.

But there's another strategy this author employs to raise the stakes ...

3. Help us understand the effects of your challenge ... on other people in your life.

In the essay excerpt above, we come to learn that the author's shyness impacts not only her ... but her parents as well, since they don't speak English and rely on her to guide them.

How do you do this for your essay?

Ask yourself, "Who else in my life/family/world was impacted by my challenge(s)?"

[action_item]

Potential Action Item: If it helps, spend 3-4 minutes making a list of the important people in your life, then next to their names, write how they were affected. Leave the space blank if they weren't impacted at all. Or if you're not sure, ask them.

4. Consider describing additional challenges (i.e., other things that happened that made things even worse).

In the next example, the author shares first, in a straightforward way, some of the challenges she faced. In her second paragraph, she tells us how things got worse:

In 2003 my family's stability was put to the test when my father suffered an accident: he was bitten by a horse and unable to work for three years. Some months later my year-old baby sister was hit by a car. My mother was our only financial support, so we sometimes ate Cup of Noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I prayed every night that things would get better but first they got worse.

To read the rest, check out the "Bowling" essay.

In the next example, the author raises the stakes in three consecutive paragraphs (as things got increasingly worse):

At six years old, I stood locked away in the restroom. I held tightly to a tube of toothpaste because I'd been sent to brush my teeth to distract me from the commotion. Regardless, I knew what was happening: my dad was being put under arrest for domestic abuse. He'd hurt my mom physically and mentally, and my brother Jose and I had shared the mental strain. It's what had to be done.

Living without a father meant money was tight, mom worked two jobs, and my brother and I took care of each other when she worked. For a brief period of time the quality of our lives slowly started to improve as our soon-to-be step-dad became an integral part of our family. He paid attention to the needs of my mom, my brother, and me. But our prosperity was short-lived as my step dad's chronic alcoholism became more and more recurrent. When I was eight, my younger brother Fernando's birth complicated things even further. As my step-dad slipped away, my mom continued working, and Fernando's care was left to Jose and me. I cooked, Jose cleaned, I dressed Fernando, Jose put him to bed. We did what we had to do.

As undocumented immigrants and with little to no family around us, we had to rely on each other. Fearing that any disclosure of our status would risk deportation, we kept to ourselves when dealing with any financial and medical issues. I avoided going on certain school trips, and at times I was discouraged to even meet new people. I felt isolated and at times disillusioned; my grades started to slip.

To read the rest, check out the "What Had To Be Done" essay.

[action_item]

Potential Action Item: Split your challenges into separate paragraphs. You might divide them based on, for example, things that happened when you were very young, and things that happened when you grew older. (See first example above.) Or you might split them based on things that happened before a particular event and things that happened after it. (See second example.) It's up to you. Then write those paragraphs!

5. Consider describing things you tried to do to get what you wanted ... but that didn't work.

The author tries to overcome her shyness in a variety of ways:

Near meltdown, I knew something needed to be done. Mustering up the little courage I had, I sought ways to break out of my shell—without luck. Recreational art classes ended in three boring months. I gave up Self Defense after embarrassing myself in class. After-school  band, library volunteering, and book clubs ended similarly. Continued effort yielded nothing.

Ask yourself: What are some ways you tried—and failed—to get what you wanted/needed? Ideally, these are things you actually did as opposed to things you thought about doing.

Why do this? It's a great way to show your resourcefulness/determination/creativity.

[action_item]

Potential Action Item: Spend 3-4 minutes brainstorming things you tried to do to get what you wanted ... but that didn't work.