Module Content

Now that you’ve finished the Feelings and Needs Exercise, let’s see how this turns into an essay.

First, check out this essay, which was written based on the Feelings and Needs Exercise. As you read, see if you can spot the elements of the exercise you just did: Challenges, Effects, Feelings, Needs, What I Did, What I Learned.

What Had to Be Done

At six years old, I stood locked away in the restroom. I held tightly to a tube of toothpaste because I’d been sent to brush my teeth to distract me from the commotion. Regardless, I knew what was happening: my dad was being put under arrest for domestic abuse. He’d hurt my mom physically and mentally, and my brother Jose and I had shared the mental strain. It’s what had to be done.

Living without a father meant money was tight, mom worked two jobs, and my brother and I took care of each other when she worked. For a brief period of time the quality of our lives slowly started to improve as our soon-to-be step-dad became an integral part of our family. He paid attention to the needs of my mom, my brother, and me. But our prosperity was short-lived as my step dad’s chronic alcoholism became more and more recurrent. When I was eight, my younger brother Fernando’s birth complicated things even further. As my step-dad slipped away, my mom continued working, and Fernando’s care was left to Jose and me. I cooked, Jose cleaned, I dressed Fernando, Jose put him to bed. We did what we had to do.

As undocumented immigrants and with little to no family around us, we had to rely on each other. Fearing that any disclosure of our status would risk deportation, we kept to ourselves when dealing with any financial and medical issues. I avoided going on certain school trips, and at times I was discouraged to even meet new people. I felt isolated and at times disillusioned; my grades started to slip.

Over time, however, I grew determined to improve the quality of life for my family and myself.

Without a father figure to teach me the things a father could, I became my own teacher. I learned how to fix a bike, how to swim, and even how to talk to girls. I became resourceful, fixing shoes with strips of duct tape, and I even found a job to help pay bills. I became as independent as I could to lessen the time and money mom had to spend raising me.

I also worked to apply myself constructively in other ways. I worked hard and took my grades from Bs and Cs to consecutive straight A’s. I shattered my school’s 1ooM breaststroke record, and learned how to play the clarinet, saxophone, and the oboe. Plus, I not only became the first student in my school to pass the AP Physics 1 exam, I’m currently pioneering my school’s first AP Physics 2 course ever.

These changes inspired me to help others. I became president of the California Scholarship Federation, providing students with information to prepare them for college, while creating opportunities for my peers to play a bigger part in our community. I began tutoring kids, teens, and adults on a variety of subjects ranging from basic English to home improvement and even Calculus. As the captain of the water polo and swim team I’ve led practices crafted to individually push my comrades to their limits, and I’ve counseled friends through circumstances similar to mine. I’ve done tons, and I can finally say I’m proud of that.

But I’m excited to say that there’s so much I have yet to do. I haven’t danced the tango, solved a Rubix Cube, explored how perpetual motion might fuel space exploration, or seen the World Trade Center. And I have yet to see the person that Fernando will become.

I’ll do as much as I can from now on. Not because I have to. Because I choose to.

— — —

There’s so much to love about this essay, which was written by a student named Adrian.

Here’s a behind-the-scenes look at how Adrian wrote this essay so you can figure out how to write yours:

First, the author brainstormed the content of his personal statement using the Feelings and Needs Exercise.

Did you spot the elements of that exercise? If not, here they are:

• Challenges: Domestic abuse, alcoholic stepdad, little brother Fernando’s birth, family’s undocumented status

• Effects: Author and his brother shared the mental strain. Father was arrested. Funds were tight. Mom worked two jobs. Brothers took care of one another. They kept to themselves when dealing with financial and medical issues. They avoided going on certain school trips. At times the author was discouraged from meeting new people. Grades started to slip.

• Feelings: Confused yet Understanding, Anxious, Worried, Relieved, Alone, Lost, Vulnerable, Lonely, Disconnected, Heartbroken, Ashamed, Disillusioned. (Note that while not all of these feelings are explicitly stated in the essay, the author named them in his Feelings and Needs Exercise. Having said this, there are a couple places where he did explicitly name his feelings, like in the sentence, “I felt isolated and at times disillusioned.” Either way can work.)

• Needs: Order, Autonomy, Reassurance, Growth, Safety, Understanding, Empathy, Hope, Support, Self-Acceptance. (Again, while not all of these are explicitly stated in the essay, the author named them in his Feelings and Needs Exercise.)

• What He Did About It: He took care of his youngest brother; became his own teacher; learned how to fix a bike, swim, socialize; found a job to help pay bills; improved his grades; broke a school swimming record; learned to play instruments; became the first student in his school to pass the AP Physics 1 exam; took a leadership role in clubs; and tutored and counseled friends and peers

• What He Learned: He’s proud of what he’s done, but wants to do more: dance the tango, solve a Rubix Cube, explore perpetual motion, see the World Trade Center, see his little brother grow up … and do you notice the value here? Hunger. That was his number one value, by the way. And he ends by saying he’ll do these things not because he has to, but because he chooses to. This sounds like autonomy. Another one of his top values.