Module Content

How it works: Describe a place where you're in your element and show how it reveals a specific side of you—or pick several places and describe how each reveals a different side of you.

Some students focus on a single place they feel at home. Two students recently used coffee shops, but in different ways: One described how working as a barista in one helped him learn important lessons about working with others—and he used a war metaphor to do it—while the other student described how doing schoolwork in coffee shops helped her develop qualities that will one day serve her in business. A third student wrote a beautiful essay (one of my all-time favorites) about how growing up in museums had shaped his life. Other "homes" students have written about include nature, the art studio, and even the airport.

To be frank, though, writing about one "home" can be tough, so many students choose to write about several places they feel a connection to. That might sound like this:

• "I find home in a variety of places, including Bojangles (a fast food restaurant) when I'm with my family, on stage when I'm choreographing, the lab when I'm performing titration, and at a summer program called Governor's School East when I'm exploring new interests."

• I'm at "home" when I'm exploring places where I'm not technically supposed to be—places like Stanford's Cecil Green Library, the abandoned Bayside Cannery, and Santa Clara Republican Party Potluck.

Or you might choose to discuss the complexity of defining "home," which might sound like this:

• Even though a variety of places keep me grounded—my mother's voice, different foods, photography, dance—I find it difficult to feel connected to a permanent place.

And heads-up: You don't have to explicitly use the word "home" in your essay. One student, for example, chose to write about different places where she was in her "element." She then wrote a paragraph on each: singing onstage, watching Jeopardy with her family, training for tennis, and doing research.

Enough talk, though; let's check out two examples. This first essay does mention the word "home" and names a variety of places as opposed to just one—which, as I've mentioned, may be a bit easier to do. Note that you don't need to mark in bold each mention of the word "home" (this author didn't); I've simply done this to make the thematic thread clear.

Home

As I enter the double doors, the smell of freshly rolled biscuits hits me almost instantly. I trace the fan blades as they swing above me, emitting a low, repetitive hum resembling a faint melody. After bringing our usual order, the "Tailgate Special," to the table, my father begins discussing the recent performance of Apple stock with my mother, myself, and my older eleven year old sister. Bojangle's, a Southern establishment well known for its fried chicken and reliable fast food, is my family's Friday night restaurant, often accompanied by trips to Eva Perry, the nearby library. With one hand on my breaded chicken and the other on Nancy Drew: Mystery of Crocodile Island, I can barely sit still as the thriller unfolds. They're imprisoned! Reptiles! Not the enemy's boat! As I delve into the narrative with a sip of sweet tea, I feel at home.

"Five, six, seven, eight!" As I shout the counts, nineteen dancers grab and begin to spin the tassels attached to their swords while walking heel-to-toe to the next formation of the classical Chinese sword dance. A glance at my notebook reveals a collection of worn pages covered with meticulously planned formations, counts, and movements. Through sharing videos of my performances with my relatives or discovering and choreographing the nuances of certain regional dances and their reflection on the region's distinct culture, I deepen my relationship with my parents, heritage, and community. When I step on stage, the hours I've spent choreographing, creating poses, teaching, and polishing are all worthwhile, and the stage becomes my home.

Set temperature. Calibrate. Integrate. Analyze. Set temperature. Calibrate. Integrate. Analyze. This pulse mimics the beating of my heart, a subtle rhythm that persists each day I come into the lab. Whether I am working under the fume hood with platinum nanoparticles, manipulating raw integration data, or spraying a thin platinum film over pieces of copper, it is in Lab 304 in Hudson Hall that I first feel the distinct sensation, and I'm home. After spending several weeks attempting to synthesize platinum nanoparticles with a diameter between 10 and 16 nm, I finally achieve nanoparticles with a diameter of 14.6 nm after carefully monitoring the sulfuric acid bath. That unmistakable tingling sensation dances up my arm as I scribble into my notebook: I am overcome with a feeling of unbridled joy.

Styled in a t-shirt, shorts, and a worn, dark green lanyard, I sprint across the quad from the elective 'Speaking Arabic through the Rassias Method' to 'Knitting Nirvana'. This afternoon is just one of many at Governor's School East, where I have been transformed from a high school student into a philosopher, a thinker, and an avid learner. While I attend GS at Meredith College for Natural Science, the lessons learned and experiences gained extend far beyond physics concepts, serial dilutions, and toxicity. I learn to trust myself to have difficult yet necessary conversations about the political and economic climate. Governor's School breeds a culture of inclusivity and multidimensionality, and I am transformed from "girl who is hardworking" or "science girl" to someone who indulges in the sciences, debates about psychology and the economy, and loves to swing and salsa dance. As I form a slip knot and cast on, I'm at home.

My home is a dynamic and eclectic entity. Although I've lived in the same house in Cary, North Carolina for 10 years, I have found and carved homes and communities that are filled with and enriched by tradition, artists, researchers, and intellectuals. While I may not always live within a 5 mile radius of a Bojangle's or in close proximity to Lab 304, learning to become a more perceptive daughter and sister, to share the beauty of my heritage, and to take risks and redefine scientific and personal expectations will continue to impact my sense of home.

Four Qualities This Essay Demonstrates:

I believe most great essays illustrate four qualities: core values, insight (i.e., an illuminating answer to the question "so what?"), vulnerability, and craft. Here's how this essay shows each of these:

1. Values. This essay illustrates a wide range of the author's values (aka, the "islands of her personality") and each paragraph is themed by a particular value: family, creativity, her love of science, and her love of experimenting with new things. Along the way, she also is able to weave in other values, such as meticulousness, culture, joy, curiosity, and adventure.

2. Insight. A great essay answers "so what," and in this essay, some of these moments come from the author's description of the lessons she's learned and the unexpected connections she makes. For example: "While I attend GS at Meredith College for Natural Science, the lessons learned and experiences gained extend far beyond physics concepts, serial dilutions, and toxicity. I learn to trust myself to have difficult yet necessary conversations about the political and economic climate. Governor's School breeds a culture of inclusivity and multidimensionality."

3. Vulnerability. The author describes several things that are personal to her: family meals, her love of dance, and her deep interest in science. In my view, a montage essay doesn't have to be extraordinarily vulnerable in order to be great, but I do think it must have at least a few personal elements, as this one does.

4. Craft. I appreciate the author's selection of details and her succinct phrasing, particularly in her "home" sentences:

• "As I delve into the narrative with a sip of sweet tea, I feel at home."

• "Whether I am working under the fume hood with platinum nanoparticles, manipulating raw integration data, or spraying a thin platinum film over pieces of copper, it is in Lab 304 in Hudson Hall that I first feel the distinct sensation, and I'm home."

• "As I form a slip knot and cast on, I'm at home."

Part of why I love these lines is that they combine something concrete (sweet tea, platinum nanoparticles, slip knot) with something abstract (the concept of home).

Here's an essay that focuses on a single place:

Weight Room

I smell rubber mats, and I'm reminded of passion, respect, and motivation. I hear rap music blasting through speakers, and I know I'm in the weight room.

The first time I walked into the weight room my freshman year, I entered a room packed with football players reeking of sweat, intensity, and competition. Workouts written as acronyms across whiteboards looked like hieroglyphics to be deciphered only by members of an elite gym class. As I started my workout, I looked around to see not a single smile. When I approached the coach to ask a question, I was interrupted multiple times by athletes rushing past me. I was disheartened: how would I ever get stronger when I couldn't feel comfortable in this room?

As the weeks passed, however, I discovered a quiet solidarity in the weight room. We'd warm up together, then fall into our own workouts, supporting each other both physically and emotionally, quietly motivating each other by trying to surpass our own individual goals. I didn't need help lifting my ten pound weights, but as the only freshman girl in a room full of upperclassmen lifting over fifty pounds in each hand, I understood that with silent solidarity came respect. Running to the weight room right after school, I learned commitment to myself and my own ideals. I couldn't cheat my body out of a routine designed to optimize success. Even if I didn't feel like working out as the hour began, the moment I'd start a set of exercises, I had to finish them. I found my conscience in working out, an inner drive pushing me to stop complaining about the heat, about the pain, but instead, to embrace them.

As years have passed, I have been the only person, only female, only water polo player, only freshman, only sophomore, only junior, and only senior in the room. I fit into these singularities surrounded by individuals with different backgrounds and skill levels from my own. I am no longer afraid of being the "only one." As disillusioned as I was the first time I entered the weight room, I may have misjudged their initial reaction to my arrival. Maybe my presence was questioned because I was a petite water polo player who'd never heard of a deadlift before. Or maybe the dismissal I sensed was founded in my insecurities and the fact that I myself didn't feel as if I deserved to belong. I walked in expecting a warm welcome and was unsettled when I didn't receive even the simplest acknowledgement, validating my doubts. I've since realized that entering a room of strangers focused on keeping up with their rigorous exercises was not the place to expect a rousing reception. I acknowledge the perils of first impressions.

I now identify with the football players that once intimidated me. We welcome new minds that enter the room, whether outright -- as I greet my friends and confused newcomers -- or silently -- as I receive the occasional nod from the football players in the hallways at school. We respect the diversity found in the weight room, one that helps establish a sense of equality amongst individuals. For the first time, I appreciate a different kind of balance: a balance in humanity, a profound equality that resonates with acceptance.

After one workout, my mood can completely flip. I leave the weight room refreshed and ready to tackle the next part of my day. As I think about college, I wonder if it might feel like the first day I walked into the weight room. This time, I'm excited by the prospect of new places to fit in, new challenges to overcome, and new solidarities to build. I do wonder what the rubber mats in my college's gym will smell like.

Four Qualities This Essay Demonstrates:

1. Values. This essay shows a wide range of values, including intensity, competition, solidarity, respect, critical thinking, diversity, equality, balance, and optimism.

2. Insight. I love the insight at the end of the fourth paragraph: "I acknowledge the perils of first impressions." She realized this after some personal reflection, which gives us some insight into how her mind works.

3. Vulnerability. The sentence quoted above also demonstrates vulnerability, as the author admits that she jumped to conclusions, perhaps as the result of her own insecurities and belief that she didn't belong. This helps us relate with her, because the reader is likely to have felt this way at some point.

4. Craft. As an example, I believe this sentence is well-crafted: "Workouts written as acronyms across whiteboards looked like hieroglyphics to be deciphered only by members of an elite gym class." I also appreciate that this author describes a challenge she overcame in the middle of a montage essay, which isn't easy to do and makes this a kind of hybrid essay in that she combines narrative and montage structures.

A Mini-Exercise to Get You Started on the "Home" Essay

1. Brainstorm 4-7 places where you're in your element.

Examples:

"I'm at home when I'm

... listening to my grandfather tell stories."

... writing lyrics."

... fishing with my mom."

... wandering through a museum alone with my headphones on."

... riding the bus."

... researching for an upcoming debate."

Why 4-7? Because you're likely working with a 500- to 650-word limit, you'll likely choose only 3-5 examples to describe in detail (assuming one main example and value per paragraph), so I'd recommend generating more examples than you'll need so you can see which ones work best. Then keep the best and cut the rest.

2. Connect each one to a value.

Here's a list of Values.

Examples:

• Listening to my grandfather tell stories → culture

• Writing lyrics → freedom

• Fishing with my mom → ritual

• Wandering through a museum alone with my headphones on → tranquility

• Riding the bus → diversity

• Researching for an upcoming debate → global awareness

You may end up choosing one "home" or several for your personal statement. For now, just create this simple outline.

And, in case you're wondering whether to brainstorm the values or the examples first, know that either can work.

Time to start.