Note: This post is written for students who are in high school, and offers tools and resources regarding how to tackle imposter syndrome. If you are already in college, click here for a version tailored more to your circumstances.
What is imposter syndrome?
In this context, it’s the feeling that your accomplishments are a fluke and you don’t belong in the higher education system your teachers and counselors keep talking about. The feeling that there must have been a mix-up with grades and test scores and that they think you’re smarter than you are, that you’re going to be “found out,” that your successes are due to luck, or that you aren’t going to be successful because you come from a family that isn’t as educated as others and no one has gone down that path, so why should you be able to? It’s the belief that because your parents didn’t finish high school, and in some cases middle school, that you’re somehow inferior to the students around you.
In short, it’s the feeling that you’re a fraud.
You aren’t.
But it’s understandable why you may feel you are, whether that’s to some small degree, or to something almost overwhelming. Because ...
Where does imposter syndrome come from?
Imposter syndrome is very common—some studies have estimated around 70% of people will experience it to at least some degree during their lives. Some of this can stem from things like family expectations. But minority groups—whether by race, gender, sexual orientation, or other status—appear to be especially vulnerable to experiencing imposter syndrome.
While more research needs to be done, it’s very likely that some of this is cultural in origin. As this Harvard Business Review article puts it:
“Imposter syndrome puts the blame on individuals, without accounting for the historical and cultural contexts that are foundational to how it manifests.”
Think, for example, about media representation. It’s historically been far rarer for minorities to be portrayed as leaders or doctors or lawyers or engineers or academic achievers, and while there’s been some improvement over the past decade, our society still has a long way to go. Experiences of racism and sexism or conditions that lead someone to question whether they belong also seem to increase the likelihood that someone (especially minority women) will experience imposter syndrome.
Our culture has a history of telling some groups they don’t belong. It’s sad but not surprising then that people in those groups may feel like imposters.
Ultimately, we need to change our culture. But while we collectively (and unfortunately, probably slowly) work toward those changes, I’m glad you found this page, because understanding what imposter syndrome is and where it comes from can help you tackle it.
Again, you aren’t an imposter. Think of it this way: The teachers who keep encouraging you to take that AP class, or to join the robotics club, aren’t necessarily saying the same thing to every student.
You may not bring the country club experience, or the debit card with a weekly $500 allowance, but you bring a perspective of the world that’s unique to you, and is just as worthy of being shared as the trip to Aspen. You see, your experiences—as someone who’s had to survive circumstances many of your peers didn’t—have given you the grit to persevere. Grit is what will make you perhaps the first one in your family to be eligible for and ultimately attend college, possibly without the help of your parents, who maybe didn’t go to college, but who expect you’ll succeed and they’ll be able to tell all their friends how accomplished you are.
All of the above is true, but even more than that is that college is just a stepping stone toward your purpose. If you get off the ride now, you won’t even get to the fun part—using all you’ve learned to impact the world the way YOU will uniquely change things.
Now that I’ve (I hope) reminded you of how great you are, let’s break down some action steps you can take, starting today!
5 ways to tackle imposter syndrome
1. Affirmations
This one is KEY! Your thoughts are the last messages you internalize each night, and the first in the morning. We speak loudest to ourselves, and unfortunately, we’ve mastered the art of talking ourselves out of opportunities and experiences because we allow fear to be the dominant emotion, letting it overpower our belief in our goals.
Start each morning (before you grab your phone!) with a simple reminder of your greatness, “I love myself, and I love (fill in the blank) about myself.”
You can start with one thing at first because it’ll feel odd, but that’s because we were taught that talking to ourselves is crazy behavior—it's not. Learning to understand your own thoughts and to speak kindly to yourself is very sane, and incredibly healthy.
Throughout the day, when you’re challenged by a situation, repeat that same affirmation to yourself. It doesn’t have to align with the challenge: You’re simply affirming to yourself that the situation that’s occurring is outside of you, and that the belief you have about yourself remains true regardless of those external circumstances. The more you remind yourself you’re worthy of love (self-love being the most important), the more forgiving you’ll be of yourself when you make a misstep or a poor choice (and you will make them; and they do not make you of less value). The more you learn to love yourself through the ups and downs, the more you realize that we are all humans on our own journeys and that your focus should always be on bettering yourself for the sake of growth—your own!
2. Journaling
Remember when maybe your elementary school teachers assigned keeping a journal? That was your introduction to writing down your personal feelings and thoughts about a topic. Journaling as a teenager is the same thing. When you’re doubting yourself, talking yourself out of opportunities, or have a lot on your mind in general—WRITE IT DOWN!
Getting it out of your head and on paper is like talking to yourself, and relieving some of the stress of life. And doing so allows you to reflect and process those doubts. When things stay in your mind, you can easily recycle the feeling over and over, and it becomes a part of your narrative about yourself.
The beauty of writing it down is that when you go back and read it, you can gain some perspective, and maybe even realize how ridiculous the thought seems (because your mind is a powerful thing), or figure out a solution to the dilemma standing in your way. The most important part of this step is to start with gratitude as you write—reminding yourself that the circumstance you find yourself in is secondary to something you’re grateful for. Acknowledging the good in our lives is a powerful step in shifting our habitual outlook and mind talk.
3. Find your tribe
Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future. These words are truer than you understand at this point in your life. The people around you should be your cheerleaders, your constructive critics, people who are aware of their own responsibility to grow alongside you. If you surround yourself with people who complain all the time, are never truly happy, and distract themselves with things and don’t truly connect with you—they aren’t your tribe.
“Find your tribe” means to find a group of people who share your willingness to be successful, who are genuinely happy for your successes, and who offer comfort in times of distress. Those are your people.
Often, people we’ve known for a long time but who aren’t progressing the way we are can become envious of what they aren’t doing, and that you are; they sabotage the energy flowing around you—recognize it and step away. Those around you have a strong influence on how you view yourself and what you achieve, and if you’re not careful, you’ll skip class more often because you allowed their self-destructive behavior to become yours.
4. Therapy
This word is so taboo in certain communities of color that if one were to tell their parents they needed therapy when they were in high school, either a slipper, or another object closest to the parent, would come flying. Or a berating session would commence about being weak, or crazy, and that family problems can always be worked out behind closed doors.
AHHHHH!!
That is completely false, and has damaged the relationship of therapy and under-resourced communities for years. The mistrust comes from a lack of education around therapy, and that it isn’t and shouldn’t just be a “white” thing, but a human thing.
The reality is that as a teenager, you have to understand how to access said therapy (school or via parent exposure), and in low-income communities, a lot of times the kids who go to therapy have had “really bad things” happen to them, are in foster care, or something catastrophic has happened.
Think of therapy as maintenance, just like people take their cars to get oil changes. There’s stuff blocking the proper functioning of the car, so the gunk is changed out and replaced with new oil. Your mind is the same—it needs cleaning out, because a lot of the baggage that is the narrative in your mind isn’t even yours to deal with. It’s usually something a parent or peer has gone through and projected onto you, but now you have it, and are being affected by it daily. Unpack that baggage. See your school counselor, and ask about therapy—and about whether you live in a state that allows you to provide informed consent to see a mental health professional without your parents’ consent.
5. Don’t beat yourself up because you don’t get it the first time
Let me tell you a secret … most people don’t retain information the first time it’s given to them. So why should you be any different with that calculus problem? Acknowledge that not understanding something and having to ask questions just means that you’re curious about how to solve the problem at hand, and that’s a part of the learning process.
It’s really no deeper than that. Not understanding something has no bearing on your value as a person.
Yes, you should be in that AP class, and learning to advocate for yourself is how you’ll learn the information. So if some of your peers got the concept immediately (or did they?), hey, good for them—that has nothing to do with you and the way you process information. Beating yourself up isn’t going to help you get closer to the solution, so work on a system for yourself that makes sense.
If you don’t understand something in class and are having anxiety about raising your hand, remember that most likely there are others in the class with the same anxiety who also would benefit from further clarification. And they’re also sitting there, worried about asking a question in front of others. Do them a favor: Choose to be the brave one. Ask.
The road forward
Everyone moves at different speeds on their journey and has different tools in their bag to use. Use what you have, ask for what you need where you are, and be present in the moment.
You’ll likely have further moments of doubt. That’s fine. You can continue developing the tools to move through them, and you’ll be stronger on the other side.
The value of your presence on that campus is an asset to that community. You were accepted for a reason—you belong there.
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Written by Lauren Fletcher, College & Guidance Counselor.
Fletcher, as her students refer to her, loves the students she works with so much that her husband has told her she can't bring them home—no matter how great she thinks they are! She’s inspired by the young people she works with who have been left out of the conversation over higher education persistence, and she dedicates her energies to them.
Top values: empathy | humor | growth
