Statement of purpose analysis by CEG Grad School coaches Christine Rose, Kathy Liu, Kristin Joys, & Carlos A.
Christine Rose
Kathy Liu
Kristin Joys
Carlos A.
In this guide, we’ll discuss what a statement of purpose is and the content and structural options that go into crafting a strong statement of purpose (often referred to as an SoP).
Then, we’ll offer 7 statement of purpose examples with in-depth analysis from our grad school admission coaches, so you can understand how to create your own statement of purpose for your grad school applications.
What is a statement of purpose for grad school—overview
A statement of purpose is a core component of an application for graduate school. Its primary job is to convince the admissions committee that you should be admitted to their specific program. As you’ll see in the examples and analysis below, demonstrating that you’ve done your homework on the program you’re applying to and that you and the grad program fit each other well is essential.
A grad school statement of purpose is first and foremost an academic statement. That is, it is not a personal essay like your undergrad application essay was (although it should include carefully selected details from your personal life insofar as they support your candidacy). Neither is it a creative writing piece (although the more well-crafted the sentences and the more uncommon the vocabulary, the better).
How to write a statement of purpose for grad school
Before you start to write a statement of purpose, you’ll need to spend time thoroughly researching the programs and schools you plan to apply to:
You should have a clear understanding of their mission statements, and be able to show how your values align with theirs.
Take detailed notes of faculty whose research or academic interests align with yours. Below, you’ll see examples of how you can directly weave them into your SoP to demonstrate fit, and we’ll offer further guidance on what and how to research in our analysis, so you can understand it in the context of concrete examples.
Depending on your circumstances, we’d recommend possibly reaching out to faculty who could serve as potential mentors and with whom you’d like to collaborate.
Because requirements vary from school to school, be sure to closely adhere to any guidelines the school offers. Follow prompts and word counts carefully.
With that preliminary work in mind…
How to structure a statement of purpose
While the first statement of purpose example below has five paragraphs, you’ll notice that the other examples that follow it range from four paragraphs to seven.
We point this out so you understand that there isn’t a single “correct” structure to follow. Instead, you should feel free to divvy up your statement as you see fit, so long as you follow the schools requirements and cover your required subject matter of the following:
WHAT
Your accomplishments (The scholarly past that brings you to the current moment (classes, studies, majors, ideas, research, jobs, internships, publications, etc.)
Your goals (scholarly, professional, and humanistic), both for your time in grad school and afterward.
What your research questions are. What issues, challenges, or problems do you hope to solve (or at least contribute to solving)?
What’s driving you? What are your stakes? Who or what else stands to benefit from your work?
WHY
Your motivations: The “why” of it all. (Why this? Why now?)
Why this program and why these professors? (The more precise, the better)
HOW
How do you plan on going about finding answers to your questions?
How will you spend your time in graduate school?
How will you take advantage of what this program and university offer (professors, classes, institutes, training, colloquia, conferences, labs, etc.)?
That said, you’ll notice that the statement of purpose examples below generally all follow a standard pattern of:
Intro
Main body
Conclusion
For example, the first statement of purpose example below uses this structure:
Paragraph one: Introduction
Paragraph two: Background preparation
Paragraph three: Areas of study + naming professors
Paragraph four: Relevant experience
Paragraph five: Conclusion
To address the WHAT, WHY, and HOW. (See detailed analysis below)
The intro section of your SoP should clearly set up why you are applying to this program (whether setting up the origins of your academic focus, or directly stating your intentions). It’s helpful to grab your reader’s attention, but if, for example, you open with a brief anecdote, be sure it clearly thematically ties to your academic interests.
Keep in mind that it can actually be easier to write a placeholder intro until you’ve written the body and conclusion. Once you’ve drafted those, it can be easier to craft an intro section that leads into them, since you’ll actually know where you’re heading.
In the main body, you’ll offer clear, direct evidence of the WHAT, WHY, and HOW above by including details regarding
your academic and/or professional preparation for the program
your fit with the program’s mission/values/academic focus (and show that you’ve thoroughly done your homework)
your strengths and weaknesses
your goals and/or (possibly) your career plans
Specificity is key here: A significant chunk of any SofP must address the candidate’s academic qualifications and preparedness for graduate studies.
A “must” for any SofP regardless of field is to address both what the applicant proposes to study and with whom. The length and depth of the “what” can range widely, from a sentence or two, to a lengthy proposal that delves into the intricacies of topic, time period, sources, methodologies, theories, and approaches. For master’s degrees, it’s fine to remain somewhat general; for doctoral programs, you will want to dig more deeply into current scholarship to demonstrate that you’ve done your research and are capable of contributing original work to the field.
Naming the professor/s whose work aligns with your own is critical. Think of this step as a way to situate yourself within a conversation that is currently taking place in your field, whether in person at academic conferences or in writing through journal articles, book reviews, and other publications. This is the single most important way to show that you take that particular program seriously and that you are not simply copy/pasting your statement and sending it out to as many programs as you can think of, crossing your fingers that one will say yes. This is just like the “Why Us?” (note: there’s a research chart at that link that you can use) and “Why X Major?” supplemental essays you likely wrote when applying to college. The more research you do, the better. You’ll want to search until you find something to discuss that isn’t on the department’s home page … something that demonstrates Applicant-Program Fit (APF).
Once you learn about the research interests of the professors in the department, keep going! Do a Google Scholar search and read their recent publications. Read their own websites. Find out what scholars they frequently cite, what kinds of questions they are asking, what inspires or troubles them, and what methods they use to answer their questions. Follow the links wherever they lead. You’ll want to learn enough about the debates and discussions in your proposed area to feel confident that your SofP meets the following criteria:
It’s relevant to the professors in the department you’d be joining;
It’s up-to-date regarding the state of knowledge in the field;
It asks the same or similar kinds of “big” questions that the professor/s ask so that even if your specific topic isn’t a match, your questions, goals, perspectives, methods, and/or stakes complement theirs;
Your qualifications and career goals are comparable to current students or recent graduates.
Each university sets its own length limitations for the SofP, ranging from one page to unlimited pages. Keep in mind that they will have your transcript, resume, and letters of recommendation, so there’s no need to waste space by merely repeating that information. Instead, address how your background shaped the trajectory of your ideas and goals. You might ballpark about 25% of your statement dedicated to background preparation and qualifications and adjust as needed.
The conclusion of your statement of purpose should bring a sense of closure to your writing. You can recap a bit, but in general, you don’t need to summarize all that you’ve just said. Unless your SoP is several pages long, your reader will remember—they just read it.
But it can be very useful to leave your reader with a final insight, and to perhaps frame your path and exploration heading forward (whether career plans after your degree program, or questions you hope to continue to explore and issues you hope to help resolve). Help your readers to see that you are ready for this next step, and that their program is where you belong.
How long should a statement of purpose be?
Length of a statement of purpose depends on the specific program’s requirements: Each school will have different limits. As such (and we’re repeating this because it’s essential), be sure to thoroughly read through the program’s website and adhere to any and all guidelines they offer.
Statement of purpose examples for graduate school + analysis
Below, we’ll offer 7 successful statement of purpose examples, with in-depth analysis.
Statement of purpose example 1
The following example statement of purpose was written as part of a successful application for Yale Divinity School.
Overview and analysis written by Christine Rose.
Want to work with Christine through your grad school admissions process? Schedule a call with our team to learn more here.
Overview:
During the years that I served on the Ph.D. admissions committee for a highly selective graduate program, what I looked forward to the most was studying how each candidate crafted their statement of purpose (SofP). No two were exactly alike. Even if they covered all of their bases, which every strong SofP must, the thinkers and scholarship that were foundational for their respective graduate school goals differed, as did their proposed focus, their personal and theoretical investments, their rhetorical flourishes, their nuanced insights, and the life experiences that lead them to seek this particular degree from this particular institution.
The SofP that I analyze below was used to apply to Mat Yale Divinity School (YDS). For readers unfamiliar with MARs, they are generally two-year programs consisting of the academic study of religious histories, texts, art, belief systems, and institutions alongside practical, real-world chances to serve within a community such as a hospital, shelter, assisted living facility, synagogue, mosque, or church. It is a degree open to anyone of any faith—or lack thereof. Yes, agnostics, “spiritual-but-not-religious,” and even some atheists who are drawn to careers in service, activism, justice, and community organizing have opted to go to divinity school.
This SofP gained the author admission to many of America’s most competitive programs: Yale Divinity School, Harvard Divinity School, Princeton Theological Seminary, Boston College School of Theology & Ministry, Boston University School of Theology, and Union Theological Seminary.
Read it in full first, or scroll down for a paragraph-by-paragraph analysis.
I Will Remember Junia
In the introduction to her literary-feminist exegesis, Texts of Terror, Phyllis Trible writes that stories are the “style and substance” of our existence, that they “fashion and fill” our lives. Trible’s assertion is certainly true of my own life: I consumed stories ravenously as a child, and they have defined my personal and academic life thus far. My life has also been defined by the Christian faith. Ironically, I never engaged with the stories most Christians hold dearest until I enrolled in my first religious studies course, Christian history, as a first-year at Grinnell College. In this course, I was rattled by the realization that the Bible had “fashioned and filled” the world around me, my church, the underpinnings of ideas and systems I came in contact with daily, and, perhaps most alarming, the morals and values I had inherited and chosen, without my slightest awareness. As the course continued on, I learned about the first female apostle and was deeply struck by the ease with which a 14th-century translation erased female leadership from the Bible. On the final exam to this course, I was asked “what will you be taking away?” My answer was immediate: I will remember Junia.
I spent much of my undergraduate career after this studying literature and learning to write my own narratives as an English major—a pursuit which, continually, drew me back to the themes I studied in courses for a Religious Studies minor. This range of academic focus allowed me to enter my first Biblical Studies course with an eye not only for theology, but with the skills to study literary elements such as narrative structure, genre tropes, and source study. Further, the tension that arose when I began to grapple with the Bible as a piece of literature alongside its value as my Holy book, was, and continues to be, unexplainably thrilling. Consideration of the text’s discontinuities and human errors in academic discourse has enhanced and complicated my personal reading of scripture; likewise, I believe my identity as a woman of faith has enhanced and complicated what I contribute to an academic discourse. I cannot analyze a story like the rape of Tamar in 2 Samuel rhetorically or historically without also considering modern, female readership. The challenge of considering these texts and stories holistically is precisely what I want to lean into in my graduate studies.
My academic interests are primarily in studying New Testament and Biblical Greek, as well as early Christian history, through the lens of women, gender, and sexuality. My curiosity also extends to the extracanonical and gnostic texts. In pursuing Yale Divinity’s M.A. in Religion with a New Testament concentration, I believe I will most fully be able to delve into the intersections of these ideas. I am particularly intrigued by Professor Michal Beth Dinkler’s research in applying contemporary literary theory to New Testament scholarship, as her work resonates closely with the questions I have asked most often as a student.
In addition to my intellectual curiosities, I prepare this application while simultaneously engaging in vocational discernment through a 2020-21 service year with the New York Service & Justice Collaborative, an affiliate of the Episcopal Service Corps. Here, I am able to serve 35 hours each week with a nonprofit which works to create communities of belonging for people with and without intellectual and developmental disabilities. I am serving alongside our executive director as the second employee. This work has given me an education in disability advocacy, theology, and the injustices caused by ableism, and has also granted me the experience of witnessing nonprofit work from the ground level. With the Service Corps, I am also spending one day each week in servant leadership and social justice focused “faith formation”. As someone who has continually been drawn to leadership roles in the past, I have valued the chance to think about leadership intentionally and critically. Yale Divinity’s Transformational Leadership program appeals to me as an outstanding support for my vocational discernment process, and as continuing the leadership training I have just started.
It would be negligent of what I hope to experience in a program such as Yale Divinity School’s M.A.R. to state with certainty my current inclination that I will use this degree to pursue a career in education or public service. I wholeheartedly expect that my time in this degree program would radically reshape my approach to Biblical studies, as well as my current understanding of how I want to contribute to the world. Although I did not take New Testament courses during my time as an undergraduate, I believe that my academic background and my interest in studying Biblical Greek will allow me to succeed in this track. I am confident that the programming at Yale Divinity School would both challenge and encourage me in vocational discernment, and grant me the opportunity to learn and contribute my ideas to the field of Biblical studies.
— — —
IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS
PARAGRAPH ONE: INTRODUCTION
In the introduction to her literary-feminist exegesis, Texts of Terror, Phyllis Trible writes that stories are the “style and substance” of our existence, that they “fashion and fill” our lives. Trible’s assertion is certainly true of my own life: I consumed stories ravenously as a child, and they have defined my personal and academic life thus far. My life has also been defined by the Christian faith. Ironically, I never engaged with the stories most Christians hold dearest until I enrolled in my first religious studies course, Christian history, as a first-year at Grinnell College. In this course, I was rattled by the realization that the Bible had “fashioned and filled” the world around me, my church, the underpinnings of ideas and systems I came in contact with daily, and, perhaps most alarming, the morals and values I had inherited and chosen, without my slightest awareness. As the course continued on, I learned about the first female apostle and was deeply struck by the ease with which a 14th-century translation erased female leadership from the Bible. On the final exam to this course, I was asked “what will you be taking away?” My answer was immediate: I will remember Junia.
— — —
ANALYSIS
I’m assuming most of you are wondering who Junia is. One might expect the author to offer her background in the rest of the SofP, but in this case, our expectation would be disappointed, so here’s some background.
Junia is mentioned only once in the Christian Bible, in the Old Testament (Paul’s epistle to the Romans, chapter 16 verse 7). From biblical scholarship, we know that Junia was a woman who worked alongside Paul, the Greek-speaking Jewish guy from Asia Minor who spread the message of Christianity in the first century. As they went from town to town shaking things up and announcing that Jesus was the son of God, they became a threat to local authorities and both were imprisoned.
The significance is not that she’s supposed to have done or said anything highly memorable (scandalous, miraculous, radical, deplorable, etc.). Her historical noteworthiness is that in the 14th century, some scribe somewhere added an ‘s’ to her name, which effectively turned her into a man. Similar to how if one changed the final ‘a’ to an ‘o’ in names like Claudia, Maria, or Julia, readers would no longer assume a female referent but would rather assume the person in question was a guy. Thus by centering the first paragraph around Junia, the author is further situating herself within the history of feminist scholarship that she had already laid the groundwork for in the opening sentence by referring to “literary-feminist exegesis” (exegesis = critical interpretation of scripture).
Now let’s look at the opening sentence:
“In the introduction to her literary-feminist exegesis, Texts of Terror, Phyllis Trible writes that stories are the “style and substance” of our existence, that they “fashion and fill” our lives.”
— — —
What I like about this opener is that:
It shares some of the author’s values (feminism, the power of narrative and storytelling to create meaning).
It engages with a specific scholar, text, and concept and thereby avoids generalities.
It’s exceedingly unlikely that other candidates that year wrote a similar first sentence, which means that it was
Not predictable and not formulaic
The book she refers to, Texts of Terror: Literary-Feminist Readings of Biblical Narratives, was written by a renowned feminist biblical scholar and based on a series of lectures she delivered at Yale. The admissions committee reading this SofP would be familiar with the text and that lecture series, and so it additionally demonstrates that this applicant has done her homework and knows the specificities of what kinds of scholarship Yale’s Divinity School has supported in the past.
If I were to point to any weaknesses, I would note that the idea she summarizes is not original. That said, the many strengths far outweigh the one weakness. One final note about the hook: I like it in part because of its simplicity. Oftentimes, we paralyze ourselves with fear by telling ourselves that our first sentence has to be mind-bogglingly brilliant, when the truth is that it simply must be thoroughly designed to inform the reader of something critical we hope to accomplish in our graduate studies.
Again, a grad school statement of purpose is first and foremost an academic statement. In this case, by placing herself in conversation with an influential scholar in the field, the author demonstrates from the get-go that she brings knowledge of the field that she feels she is ready to embark upon at Yale.
Moving on, the rest of the paragraph builds upon the power of stories, specifically within the Christian faith, and the author situates herself both personally (as a Christian) and academically (as a student of Christian history). By far the best sentence in this paragraph is where the author admits to being “rattled” by the realization that so much of her life had been “fashioned and filled” by the Bible unbeknownst to her. I like this for two reasons.
First: rattled. It’s a cool word! Uncommon, yet familiar. It precisely names an emotion we’ve all felt upon occasion, an experience that is akin to the “Aha” or Eureka moment of sudden realization or insight that psychologists have long studied. But there is an added connotation of dread or fear. Psychologically, it takes courage to probe deeply into what we’ve been rattled by, so …
The second reason this stands out is that this sentence shows something about the author’s maturity, ability for self-reflection, and character.
In the remainder of the paragraph, the author ties the feminist, literary, Biblical, and historical strands together by sharing her discovery of the 14th-century erasure of a female character from Biblical stories.
PARAGRAPH TWO: BACKGROUND PREPARATION
I spent much of my undergraduate career after this studying literature and learning to write my own narratives as an English major—a pursuit which, continually, drew me back to the themes I studied in courses for a Religious Studies minor. This range of academic focus allowed me to enter my first Biblical Studies course with an eye not only for theology, but with the skills to study literary elements such as narrative structure, genre tropes, and source study. Further, the tension that arose when I began to grapple with the Bible as a piece of literature alongside its value as my Holy book, was, and continues to be, unexplainably thrilling. Consideration of the text’s discontinuities and human errors in academic discourse has enhanced and complicated my personal reading of scripture; likewise, I believe my identity as a woman of faith has enhanced and complicated what I contribute to an academic discourse. I cannot analyze a story like the rape of Tamar in 2 Samuel rhetorically or historically without also considering modern, female readership. The challenge of considering these texts and stories holistically is precisely what I want to lean into in my graduate studies.
— — —
ANALYSIS
A significant chunk of any SofP must address the candidate’s academic qualifications and preparedness for graduate studies. While the author doesn’t go into depth, she briefly explains how her undergraduate major (English) and minor (Religious Studies) prepared her to wrestle with hermeneutic challenges that could easily present themselves to a feminist scholar of a religious text that contains repeated references to sexual assault and the subordination of women.
Sidebar: It’s often—but not always—appropriate to share relevant personal identificatory information (here, the applicant’s religion because she’s applying to divinity school; in other cases, insofar as the information strengthens the overall application or helps tell the story that prepared the person to apply for X degree, it might be worthwhile to share nationality, age, disability, sexuality, gender identity, geographic origin, race, class, and/or ethnicity).
PARAGRAPH THREE: AREAS OF STUDY AND NAMING THE PROFESSORS
My academic interests are primarily in studying New Testament and Biblical Greek, as well as early Christian history, through the lens of women, gender, and sexuality. My curiosity also extends to the extracanonical and gnostic texts. In pursuing Yale Divinity’s M.A. in Religion with a New Testament concentration, I believe I will most fully be able to delve into the intersections of these ideas. I am particularly intrigued by Professor Michal Beth Dinkler’s research in applying contemporary literary theory to New Testament scholarship, as her work resonates closely with the questions I have asked most often as a student.
— — —
ANALYSIS
As discussed in the intro, a “must” for any SoP is to address what the applicant proposes to study and with whom. The paragraph above does so clearly and directly, in particular citing a professor (Dinkler) whose work aligns with the writer’s interests, demonstrating both that she’s done her homework on the program (one vital element of an SoP) and that she and the program/faculty align well regarding values and focus.
To be sure your SoP demonstrates Applicant-Program Fit, plan on spending a good amount of time researching the professors and their interests in the departments you’re applying to. Explore their publications and websites, the questions they’re asking and how they answer them. Build a doc containing this research, so that once you dive into writing and revising your SoP, you can weave in details that show how you and the department fit together.
As always, the depth of research, level of scholarship, and degree of originality differs significantly, depending on whether you are seeking a master’s or doctoral degree. If you are applying for a master’s degree, you don’t need to do as much research on the specific professors, although mentioning a few is always in order. You also don’t need to know what that professor is currently working on or plans to work on next, because master’s degrees offer a general mastery of a field and are less dependent on the student’s original contributions.
PARAGRAPH FOUR: RELEVANT EXPERIENCE
In addition to my intellectual curiosities, I prepare this application while simultaneously engaging in vocational discernment through a 2020-21 service year with the New York Service & Justice Collaborative, an affiliate of the Episcopal Service Corps. Here, I am able to serve 35 hours each week with a nonprofit which works to create communities of belonging for people with and without intellectual and developmental disabilities. I am serving alongside our executive director as the second employee. This work has given me an education in disability advocacy, theology, and the injustices caused by ableism, and has also granted me the experience of witnessing nonprofit work from the ground level. With the Service Corps, I am also spending one day each week in servant leadership and social justice focused “faith formation”. As someone who has continually been drawn to leadership roles in the past, I have valued the chance to think about leadership intentionally and critically. Yale Divinity’s Transformational Leadership program appeals to me as an outstanding support for my vocational discernment process, and as continuing the leadership training I have just started.
ANALYSIS
This paragraph addresses the author’s current position insofar as it dovetails with Yale Divinity’s mission. Read this from the YDS website:
“We stand between the more strictly academic approach of a department of religion and the more practical, parochial orientation of the seminaries. We educate and prepare the scholars, ministers, and leaders of the future.”
YDS values service and leadership, so by combining her commitment to inclusive communities, social justice, conscientious leadership, and disability advocacy, she places herself firmly within Yale’s reputation for valuing diversity, serving local communities both secular and religious, and leaning left-of-center. Finally, she “talks the talk”: in the Christian tradition, discernment means more than its common denotation of the ability to judge right from wrong (truth from falsehood, etc.) wisely. It’s a term that refers to the ability to approach all aspects of life biblically. In some denominations, it’s a formal step on the way to becoming a priest. Used in this SofP, it means that the author isn’t 100% certain of her exact career goals, but that she is committed to approaching her process of inquiry through prayer and conversations with those at YDS.
FINAL PARAGRAPH: CONCLUSION
It would be negligent of what I hope to experience in a program such as Yale Divinity School’s M.A.R. to state with certainty my current inclination that I will use this degree to pursue a career in education or public service. I wholeheartedly expect that my time in this degree program would radically reshape my approach to Biblical studies, as well as my current understanding of how I want to contribute to the world. Although I did not take New Testament courses during my time as an undergraduate, I believe that my academic background and my interest in studying Biblical Greek will allow me to succeed in this track. I am confident that the programming at Yale Divinity School would both challenge and encourage me in vocational discernment, and grant me the opportunity to learn and contribute my ideas to the field of Biblical studies.
ANALYSIS
The conclusion in this sample Statement of Purpose turns toward the future by addressing potential careers. The author comes across as open to being shaped by her experiences, should she attend YDS. She strikes a nice balance of being focused in her academic interests yet malleable in her professional goals. This is important to keep in mind when writing your own SofP. If you come across as overly rigid and not open to the guidance that professors have to offer, they might question the necessity of you studying in their program. You want to sound eager to take part in dialogue, take advantage of the program’s offerings, and learn through and contribute to conversations with peers and mentors.
Statement of purpose grad school example 2
Overview and analysis by Carlos A.
Want to work with Carlos through your grad school admissions process? Schedule a call with our team to learn more here.
Overview:
The statement of purpose example below is geared towards application for the Masters in Sociology and Education at the Teachers College, Columbia University, one of the oldest and top-ranked education programs in the nation. This applied degree program is designed to give educators cross-disciplinary skills needed to apply sociological concepts to their approach as educators, specifically focusing on developing “sociological imagination” to understand inequality discrepancies in education and how to use this understanding to guide their “micro-level day-to-day experiences” as educators. As such, this degree program seeks educators that would like to continue their education with an emphasis on how to integrate sociological understanding of macro-level inequality in their teaching and mentorship pedagogy. Using the Teacher’s College’s strong commitment to social justice as a starting point, this degree program provides students with the tools needed to conduct both qualitative and quantitative social analysis of education to foster a better understanding of the social, political, and economic causes of inequality in the field of education.
In the forthcoming statement of purpose analysis, we assess a solid statement of purpose (the applicant was accepted to the program) that can also be improved towards providing a competitive application for this degree program. After all, a statement of purpose is an academic statement designed to build a thesis as to why the academic interest of the student is a “good fit” for the academic program considered and to signal ultimate success if selected for admission to the department.
Specifically, we focus on:
Whether the applicant emphasizes intellectual interests congruent with the mission of the education department’s degree program
Whether past professional and personal experiences help shape these intellectual interests, and
How completion of the applied degree program will provide the applicant with the skillsets they need to advance their career objectives in the education field.
Overall, this statement of purpose, while requiring some editing, establishes a strong foundation, anchoring a successful application to a highly ranked applied education degree program. As the specific analysis will show, the applicant draws on their wide-ranging professional experience in public educating systems serving diverse populations to articulate both their intellectual interests in assessing the social causes of inequality in education and identifying faculty mentors to guide the development of these interests while in the program towards their professional development as educators.
Read it in full first, or scroll down for a paragraph-by-paragraph analysis.
One of the most prominent instances that made me realize the deep-seated educational disparities for minority and lower-income students occurred when I tested a 5th grade Philadelphia public school student named Jenna. Her results revealed that Jenna was barely capable of reading on a 1st grade level. Despite the fact that my interaction with Jenna left me upset and frustrated, it catalyzed my desire to work towards narrowing the achievement and opportunity gaps that students and school systems encounter in our country.
Pursuing a Master’s degree in Sociology and Education at Teachers College will empower me to better support underserved students by gaining a comprehensive understanding of the U.S. education system, engaging with professors who are leaders in the field of urban education, and acquiring research skills that will enable me to critically analyze school systems from a sociological perspective. I am determined to attend Teachers College because my goal is to translate theory into practice while studying in the heart of one of the largest and most diverse school districts in the country. My experience as a Posse Scholar at Bryn Mawr College and working in the education nonprofit sphere in Philadelphia has allowed me to interpret the education system from a number of diverse viewpoints. However, I strive to gain a deeper understanding of education policy, strategies, and theories in order to further inform my career in education, specifically within K-12 reform and college access.
After graduating Bryn Mawr College as a Posse Foundation Scholar, I recognized the transformative potential that a quality education has on the lives of students who are products of under-resourced school districts. During my time at Bryn Mawr I took classes such as Race, Gender and Culture and The Black Self: Identity and Consciousness which dissected race and social identity from a perspective that allowed me to better understand systemic racism and how communities of color shape and mold their consciousness. These courses, coupled with complex conversations about race and social justice, stimulated my passion to combat the forces and mindsets that continue to disadvantage minority youths. My involvement as a Posse Scholar fueled my determination to empower students and led me to become a freshman peer mentor to first-generation and international students during my senior year. While pursuing my undergraduate degree, I had the opportunity to produce an independent qualitative thesis entitled, The Role of Communication in Developing Bryn Mawr College Students’ Religious Identity. I obtained invaluable analytical skills, utilized various methods of collecting qualitative and quantitative data, and became inspired to eventually refine my research skills at the graduate level. My multifaceted experience as a student motivated me to pursue a career in education nonprofits and work at organizations that focus on youth development, race, and social justice.
My entry into professional education began at Leading Educators, a nonprofit dedicated to identifying high quality teachers in the D.C. public school system for their Teacher Leadership Fellowship. This organization exposed me to the opportunity gaps that lower-income students face within the D.C. public school system and fueled my passion to advocate for educational equity. While I learned many technical skills, such as grant writing and event planning, the most beneficial aspect of the role came from engaging with principals, teachers, and policy makers from the Department of Education. These interactions compelled me to explore educational issues first-hand, stimulated my desire to work with students directly, and galvanized me to dissect the complex connections between K-12 reform and college access. My current position at For Love of Children (FLOC) involves supporting students like Jenna who are severely below grade level and have limited access to quality educational resources. As a Scholars Program Coordinator, I facilitate free after-school workshops on grade-based curriculum as well as postsecondary preparation for 8th and 11th grade students from the D.C. community. During my time at FLOC, I have refined our 11th grade SAT program, which is now more individualized to each student’s skill level in math and reading. Each week, I collaborate with their tutors by receiving feedback on student progress and adjusting the difficulty of their practice tests to ensure they are strengthening areas of improvement. As I work with students to achieve their postsecondary goals, they begin to see their own potential and build confidence. However, there are still many faults in our K-12 public education system that continue to prevent students of all racial and socio-economic backgrounds from receiving an equitable education. Although I have expanded my knowledge of urban education and college access while working in the nonprofit sector, acquiring a Master’s degree at Teachers College will provide me with the fundamental skills and resources needed to effectively support a diversity of students.
Having the opportunity to attend and take courses at Teachers College with innovators such as Amy Stuart Wells truly excites me because of my admiration for her research on race and school desegregation. In April 2016, I had the opportunity to hear Professor Wells speak at a seminar titled, Taking Action on School Diversity. Her speech inspired me to explore the policies and practices being implemented in order to attain racial diversity in schools around the country. I am also eager to explore Professor Jeffrey Henig’s work on reforming urban schools and analyzing the intersections of race, politics, and education in urban environments. The unique perspectives of these and other educators will provide me with the tools necessary to build upon my own experiences in the field of education. Additionally, after speaking with several students currently in the Sociology & Education program and attending an open house, I can think of no institution more perfectly suited to my interests and ambitions. I am confident in my abilities to excel as a graduate student and apply the newfound research methods, theories, and strategies to all my future professional endeavors in education.
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IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS
One of the most prominent instances that made me realize the deep-seated educational disparities for minority and lower-income students occurred when I tested a 5th grade Philadelphia public school student named Jenna. Her results revealed that Jenna was barely capable of reading on a 1st grade level. Despite the fact that my interaction with Jenna left me upset and frustrated, it catalyzed my desire to work towards narrowing the achievement and opportunity gaps that students and school systems encounter in our country.
Pursuing a Master’s degree in Sociology and Education at Teachers College will empower me to better support underserved students by gaining a comprehensive understanding of the U.S. education system, engaging with professors who are leaders in the field of urban education, and acquiring research skills that will enable me to critically analyze school systems from a sociological perspective. I am determined to attend Teachers College because my goal is to translate theory into practice while studying in the heart of one of the largest and most diverse school districts in the country. My experience as a Posse Scholar at Bryn Mawr College and working in the education nonprofit sphere in Philadelphia has allowed me to interpret the education system from a number of diverse viewpoints. However, I strive to gain a deeper understanding of education policy, strategies, and theories in order to further inform my career in education, specifically within K-12 reform and college access.
Analysis:
The first two paragraphs of this academic statement help lay the foundation for point (1) above by establishing the applicant’s intellectual interest in sociology and education. First, the applicant draws on personal experience as a public-school educator in Philadelphia to motivate the desire to both assess inequity in achievement and opportunity gaps among public education students. By establishing this personal narrative, the applicant is conveying practitioner experience in one of the core areas of the degree program which focuses on the determinants of inequality in educational outcomes. One editing suggestion moving forward would be to more explicitly state how these experiences help inform the academic mission of the degree program. The applicant hints how the experience as a public-school educator in underserved communities helps inform interest in the Teacher’s college degree program, but this can be tied in a more explicit way by further highlighting other cases in which inequity in learning outcomes was observed firsthand.
Taken together, this first section helps address the first key component of this statement of purpose (1) by emphasizing how personal experience informed an interest in studying the causes of educational inequities and how this interest is congruent with the sociological perspective of the department: demonstrating how you align with the mission, vision, and values of the program and institution is key
Now onto the next pargraph:
After graduating Bryn Mawr College as a Posse Foundation Scholar, I recognized the transformative potential that a quality education has on the lives of students who are products of under-resourced school districts. During my time at Bryn Mawr I took classes such as Race, Gender and Culture and The Black Self: Identity and Consciousness which dissected race and social identity from a perspective that allowed me to better understand systemic racism and how communities of color shape and mold their consciousness. These courses, coupled with complex conversations about race and social justice, stimulated my passion to combat the forces and mindsets that continue to disadvantage minority youths. My involvement as a Posse Scholar fueled my determination to empower students and led me to become a freshman peer mentor to first-generation and international students during my senior year. While pursuing my undergraduate degree, I had the opportunity to produce an independent qualitative thesis entitled, The Role of Communication in Developing Bryn Mawr College Students’ Religious Identity. I obtained invaluable analytical skills, utilized various methods of collecting qualitative and quantitative data, and became inspired to eventually refine my research skills at the graduate level. My multifaceted experience as a student motivated me to pursue a career in education nonprofits and work at organizations that focus on youth development, race, and social justice.
My entry into professional education began at Leading Educators, a nonprofit dedicated to identifying high quality teachers in the D.C. public school system for their Teacher Leadership Fellowship. This organization exposed me to the opportunity gaps that lower-income students face within the D.C. public school system and fueled my passion to advocate for educational equity. While I learned many technical skills, such as grant writing and event planning, the most beneficial aspect of the role came from engaging with principals, teachers, and policy makers from the Department of Education. These interactions compelled me to explore educational issues first-hand, stimulated my desire to work with students directly, and galvanized me to dissect the complex connections between K-12 reform and college access. My current position at For Love of Children (FLOC) involves supporting students like Jenna who are severely below grade level and have limited access to quality educational resources. As a Scholars Program Coordinator, I facilitate free after-school workshops on grade-based curriculum as well as postsecondary preparation for 8th and 11th grade students from the D.C. community. During my time at FLOC, I have refined our 11th grade SAT program, which is now more individualized to each student’s skill level in math and reading. Each week, I collaborate with their tutors by receiving feedback on student progress and adjusting the difficulty of their practice tests to ensure they are strengthening areas of improvement. As I work with students to achieve their postsecondary goals, they begin to see their own potential and build confidence. However, there are still many faults in our K-12 public education system that continue to prevent students of all racial and socio-economic backgrounds from receiving an equitable education. Although I have expanded my knowledge of urban education and college access while working in the nonprofit sector, acquiring a Master’s degree at Teachers College will provide me with the fundamental skills and resources needed to effectively support a diversity of students.
Analysis:
The preceding paragraphs offer an excellent description of how past professional experience helps shape the applicant’s interest in assessing the macro-level dynamics of inequality in public education.
First, the applicant begins with a discussion of their rich undergraduate experience, particularly as a Posse scholar studying systemic racism. This section would be strengthened by clearer discussion of what this scholar program entails, particularly in emphasis of racial justice highlighted.
Second, the highlighting of professional experience in serving underserved and challenged students in Washington, DC, effectively signals practitioner experience in one of the key components of the academic program of interest, that of assessing and addressing the causes of educational outcome inequities. This section is rich in practitioner experience, such as collaborating with tutors refining the SAT preparation program in reading and math. This practitioner experience signals rich qualitative experience that demonstrates to the admissions committee that the applicant can bring a “real-world” perspective to the graduate program. Indeed, this section speaks to (2) how past professional and personal experiences help shape the intellectual interests emphasized by the prospective degree program, indicating a seamless fit between the applicant’s academic interests and the mission of the degree program.
Let’s see how the student closed this personal statement:
Having the opportunity to attend and take courses at Teachers College with innovators such as Amy Stuart Wells truly excites me because of my admiration for her research on race and school desegregation. In April 2016, I had the opportunity to hear Professor Wells speak at a seminar titled, Taking Action on School Diversity. Her speech inspired me to explore the policies and practices being implemented in order to attain racial diversity in schools around the country. I am also eager to explore Professor Jeffrey Henig’s work on reforming urban schools and analyzing the intersections of race, politics, and education in urban environments. The unique perspectives of these and other educators will provide me with the tools necessary to build upon my own experiences in the field of education. Additionally, after speaking with several students currently in the Sociology & Education program and attending an open house, I can think of no institution more perfectly suited to my interests and ambitions. I am confident in my abilities to excel as a graduate student and apply the newfound research methods, theories, and strategies to all my future professional endeavors in education.
Analysis:
The concluding paragraph helps address two key components of this statement of purpose:
First, this paragraph explicitly states which faculty member the applicant would like to work with during their degree program based on the research agenda of the faculty member. This is critically important in signaling that the applicant could immediately begin pursuing their intellectual interests at the beginning of their degree program.
Secondly, this paragraph hints at how the sociology & education program could provide “newfound research methods, theories, and strategies” that will serve the applicant well in “future professional endeavors in education.”
One suggestion to strengthen even further is to build out this thesis by explicitly stating what research methods and theoretical frameworks could be gained in the degree program that will help shape future career objectives.
This paragraph lays a strong foundation in addressing the third component (3) of how completion of the applied program can inform future endeavors. In conjunction with highlighting the desired faculty mentor, building this thesis can further catalyze the “perfect fit” between the applicant’s academic interests and the intellectual mission of the sociology & education program.
Statement of purpose for graduate school example 3
The following statement of purpose example was written for the INSEAD MBA program.
The explanation and analysis below was written by Kristin Joys.
Want to work with Kristin through your grad school admissions process? Schedule a call with our team to learn more here.
Overview:
Having worked in academia for more than two decades, I’ve had the opportunity to serve on graduate admissions committees, and I’ve also been asked to write hundreds of letters of recommendations for students applying to graduate school (most often MBA programs, Law School, and advanced degrees in the social sciences—as much of my academic work is focused on social impact & sustainable business related issues). One of the things I love most about this work is reading (and helping students to craft) a strong Statement of Purpose—when done well, they give the admissions committee a clear and concise picture of students’ experience, accomplishments, aspirations, and how they will be an asset to the program they seek to attend.
Some schools, like the example below from INSEAD, require applicants to complete a series of short-answer essays rather than a singular SoP. In some ways, the series of individual short-answer essays required by INSEAD makes the process easier for the student to demonstrate that they are a strong candidate. When a student is tasked with responding to individual short-answer essays, there is no risk that the student might omit key information from a SoP and thus risk being perceived as a less well-qualified or less appealing candidate. Whether on a singular SoP or in a series of short-answers, it is essential that students’ narratives articulate their interests in specific programs to which they are applying, their prior academic performance and professional experience, self-awareness and clarity around their strengths and weaknesses, as well as their future aspirations—leveraging the experience and skills they will gain as a MBA student to acquire positions and roles as a leader and changemaker.
INSEAD is one of the world’s leading business schools. The main campus is located in Fontainebleau, France (just 45 minutes from Paris by train), with additional campuses in Singapore, Abu Dhabi, and San Francisco. For many years, INSEAD has been considered “the Harvard of Europe” (in fact, it was founded in 1957 by a Harvard Business School graduate) and attracts students and expert faculty from around the world. A MBA degree from INSEAD is a respected credential that opens doors and advances careers.
Reviewing this applicant’s essays was nostalgic for me as, after earning my Ph.D. in Sociology (in 2003) and a Post Doc in Management & Marketing (in 2012), I had the opportunity to study at INSEAD’s Fontainebleau campus in Fall 2012 when I participated in INSEAD’s International Social Entrepreneurship Programme and earned a Certificate of Executive Education in Social Entrepreneurship. I was among 50 students hailing from 24 countries around the world, and I was the only person attending from the U.S. A number of my classmates and colleagues were enrolled in (or applying to) the INSEAD MBA program and all of our faculty were respected INSEAD MBA instructors as well. I enjoyed reading the applicant’s mention of the various programs and activities he looked forward to participating in as a future INSEAD student (as they rang familiar from my time on campus there).
This applicant gained admission to and excelled in INSEAD’s MBA program. Below, I’ve provided an analysis of each of the applicant’s short-answer essays—there are a total of eight, with word limits ranging from 100 to 500 words. Together, the applicant’s responses make a strong case to the admissions committee that the applicant is not only an excellent fit for their MBA program and will perform well as a student, he will be an asset to his classmates—and also that his future successes will reflect positively on the program and university.
Short Answer Response Analysis
1. Give a candid description of yourself (who are you as a person), stressing the personal characteristics you feel to be your strengths and weaknesses and the main factors which have influenced your personal development, giving examples when necessary (maximum 500 words).*
I didn’t realize how much my first interview would impact my future. It wasn’t a meeting with a recruiter or Fortune 500 CEO. I was 6 years old, sitting across from the international baccalaureate (IB) school’s admissions counselor. “Would you like to proceed in English or Spanish?” she asked. “English!” I said, surprising my mother. We had arrived in the US from Chile less than a year earlier when my father was transferred to lead his firm’s new telecommunications subsidiary. I was new to English but eager to dive in. Mama initiated my interest in languages as she had been educated at Universidad de Chile, and understood the value of global education. Together, these interests motivated me to enroll in IB’s French immersion program, to be surrounded by classmates from many cultures and nationalities, which enriched my learning dramatically.
As an immigrant, I also understood the value of hard work from an early age. In high school that meant balancing my long study hours with working up to 20 hours/week at the Mexican restaurant my family started in Tampa Bay following Papa leaving the corporate world (after building the subsidiary to 600+ employees prior to its sale). Resilience has become another cherished value. For example, when I failed to gain preadmission to UNC’s Kenan-Flagler business school, I committed to putting in the work to make this happen during regular admissions, and succeeded, completing my last two years of college at the b-school.
Throughout life, I’ve sought growth from enriching global experiences. Immediately after college, I backpacked across five Latin American countries, ending with a two-month internship in Chile. I was elated to practice my Portuguese in Brazil and connect with new people, whether sharing a meal with a stranger at a train station in Boa Vista or couch-surfing through Uruguayan beach towns. My travels have pushed me out of my comfort zone, boosted my resourcefulness, reminded me of my privilege, and highlighted how much more I have to learn. My experience has also motivated me to make a difference for others. At UNC, I joined EASE (Easing Abroad Students Entry) to mentor incoming study-abroad students. For instance, I helped Andres from Spain navigate campus and Chapel Hill, and brought him into my friend group to enjoy outings at restaurants and events like the UNC-Duke game.
Now, having worked in Canada, China, Mexico, and countless U.S. states, I am eager to make a global impact while working closely with ambitious colleagues (see Career Vision essay). To do that I’ll harness my ambition but also continue ameliorating my shortcomings, like how I learned to manage my past tendency to rely on “brute force.” As a Senior Analyst, I failed to leverage the available knowledge at my firm for some challenging client work-streams, forcing me to restart from scratch to succeed. I’ve come a long way from that IB interview at age 6, learning and growing from each new experience. Now I’m excited to share and build on all of my values at INSEAD.
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Analysis:
The student does an outstanding job of offering a candid description of themselves, using vivid examples to emphasize the main factors that influenced their personal development. By framing the essay around their experience immigrating to the U.S. from Chile at age 6, their IB education, their fluency in multiple languages (Spanish, English, French, and Portuguese) and their ability to navigate various cultural settings (having worked & traveled in the U.S., Canada, China, Mexico, and five additional Latin American countries), they both explicitly and implicitly communicate to the admissions committee not only that they are a competent and experienced business professional but also that they are aligned with INSEAD’s “business school for the world” mission. By using language like “Mama” and “Papa” rather than Mother and Father, the student’s essay feels relatable and authentic.
The essay prompt requests that applicants mention the personal characteristics they feel to be their strengths and weaknesses. The student weaves mentions of their strengths throughout, both implicitly and explicitly. In this single sentence the student does a remarkable job of clearly, concisely, and cleverly leveraging their self-awareness to coherently detail some of the strengths they have gained through their experiences:
“My travels have pushed me out of my comfort zone, boosted my resourcefulness, reminded me of my privilege, and highlighted how much more I have to learn.”
Only in the last paragraph do they mention two weaknesses—their tendency to rely on “brute force,” as well as their failure to leverage available knowledge at firm—forcing them to have to start from scratch. It goes without saying that when presented with a prompt like this, it’s in students’ best interests to emphasize their strengths (as this student did, by mentioning many strengths and just two weaknesses). I would have liked to have seen a bit more in that last paragraph, as the student seemed to attempt to wrap the entire essay up with one sentence following his mention of weaknesses. When possible, I find it to be a more effective tactic to mention “weaknesses” that can also be perceived to be strengths (for example, being “detail-oriented” is a strength in many context, but it can be a weakness if one’s concern for details causes them to miss deadlines or lose sight of the big picture).
Overall, this student aptly leverages the prompt in this essay to demonstrate how they are very much aligned with the mission, vision, and values of the program to which they are applying.
2. Describe the achievement of which you are most proud and explain why. In addition, describe a situation where you failed. How did these experiences impact your relationships with others? Comment on what you learned (maximum 400 words). *
Growing at Andersen
“Salud!” In February 2019, we clinked glasses with our Mexico-based client director to celebrate implementation of the second global shared-services center I’d worked on. That engagement, and the client’s previous service-center in Japan, represented 1.5 years of work for me. My role had spanned nearly every domain: gathering requirements for their proposed HR-self-service portal, holding workshops with global client representatives from 30+ countries to customize design; meeting with local SMEs to draft desktop and system procedures. I became skilled at navigating localized issues—such as an SME’s preferred way of working—and finding the right balance between high customer usability/satisfaction and keeping processes and systems efficient, streamlined, and accessible. I also managed a 5-person offshore team supporting the launch, and became a go-to team member based on the agile-development knowledge I picked up as scrum master. Andersen partners and client executives were thrilled with the results, and I was entrusted to represent our team in Japan and Mexico as a rising leader and thought partner.
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Family Challenges
Last year, when we learned Dad’s cancer had returned, we wept. He had been our role model, our glue, an ambitious man who worked hard to rise from a Chilean farm town to a high-level executive, taking us to exciting new lands and opportunities. “I can beat this,” he assured us as the disease progressed. However as he struggled to survive, so did our family bonds. Dad had always been our mediator and, while I tried to take on that role as the middle sibling of three, it wasn’t easy. The night he lost his final battle, our collective stress boiled over, with a flashpoint between my siblings who held longtime resentment. My mother and I tried to step in, without luck. Over the weeks that followed, our once-harmonious family became fractured, pushed to the limit by Dad’s passing, the pandemic, and a national political divide reflected in our own home. After backing off initially, I worked quietly to address the gap, planning a family
barbecue, meeting with attorneys to ensure legal matters didn’t compound the issue. We miss Papa deeply, and there are no easy answers, but we are healing now, slowly. My highs and lows demonstrate that relationships are about earning trust by being there for others—whether a client, teammate, or sibling—and giving people space and time as needed, all as part of mutual support and growth.
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Analysis:
In both of the short-answer responses above, the student does a great job of directly responding to the prompts while continuing to offer details that position themselves as being very much aligned with the global emphasis of the program to which they are applying.
The first paragraph, describing their achievement helping a SME (in Mexico) to implement a global shared-services center (in Japan), does a great job of both colorfully and concisely explaining the key role they played in helping their company to become a success. I would recommend very small edits of spelling out SME the first time the abbreviation is used: while the professionals working on a business school admissions committee will typically know they meant “Small Medium Business,” SME also has other common meanings like “Subject Matter Expert,” and given the global audience, it’s best to err on the side of clarity. I’d also recommend they omit the slash mark in, “high customer usability/satisfaction” replacing it with the word “and” or even “and/or,” rather than a more informal slash mark.
The student’s second paragraph responds to the prompt, “describe a situation where you failed.” The student chose to write about dealing with and working to overcome a challenging situation, helping the reader to understand their personal strengths of commitment, persistence, and compassion when navigating the loss of their father. However, I’d assert that this challenging situation was not a “failure.” They mention that they “tried to step in, without luck”—so one can see that perhaps they feel like they “failed” in that way, but it’s clear that the situation is more complicated than what one person’s action might remedy. If I were advising this student, I’d suggest they choose a different approach to this prompt, one that shows their self-awareness, maturity, and growth by highlighting a failure, the lessons learned, and how their relationships (or skills and abilities) have been impacted and improved by their experience (Failure is a part of life. Your readers know this. They want to see that you also know it, and know how to learn from it, rather than fearing failure or fearing people knowing about your failures ).
3. Describe all types of extra-professional activities in which you have been or are still involved for a significant amount of time (clubs, sports, music, arts, etc). How are you enriched by these activities? (maximum 300 words) *
Having multiple life activities enriches me and brings me joy.
Music: I started playing drums at age 10 and was instantly hooked. Music became my main outside-of-school/work pursuit, whether playing in a band or enjoying the local music scene with friends wherever I lived. Today I’m still passionate about playing and listening, but have shifted much of my attention to music production. I blend samples and recordings to create house music, and last year completed an online music production program with top label Toolroom Records. I’m increasingly part of the house music production scene, having released two songs already, with growing listenership. Music invigorates and relaxes me, while providing a sense of community and a creative cohort, each of us learning from the others.
Sports: Growing up I played on a travel soccer team and learned the power of teamwork and competitive spirit. Today I play in weekly pickup games, and am eager to continue with INSEAD’s football club. Beyond soccer I’m a half-marathoner and love getting muddy in Spartan Races. As a former skateboarder and now-avid snowboarder, I planned several trips for my ski group, including one to Verbier and Val-d'Isère. I’d love to take classmates on a similar trip, or to beautiful dive spots around Singapore (I’m a PADI-certified diver), enhancing our skills and experience.
Service: In college, I loved giving back, such as working with EASE (Essay 1), tutoring immigrants via LINC, and mentoring small-business owners with the Carolina Microfinance Initiative (CMI). For example, I helped a woman implement her idea of bringing affordable eyeglasses to her Nicaraguan town by teaching her to write a business plan and create a supply chain. She paid off her micro-loan in two months! At INSEAD, I plan to join INDEVOR to continue paying it forward.
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Analysis:
This is an excellent response to the prompt. It would have been ideal for the opening to be longer than one line, but given the word limit, the student provided a concise introduction.
The student positions themselves positively by offering examples of extracurriculars they enjoy including the arts (music), sports (football/soccer, running, skateboarding, skiing, diving), and service providing specific examples of each.
Their response really shines when mentioning by name similar endeavors offered by INSEAD they look forward to joining. This shows the admissions committee that the student has “done their homework” and is genuinely interested in attending INSEAD and taking advantage of the opportunities they offer (rather than submitting a generic application to a number of schools).
4. Is there anything else that was not covered in your application that you would like to share with the Admissions Committee? (maximum 300 words)
INSEAD is the best way to pursue my vision of growing as a strategy consultant and rising leader (see Career Vision essay). By leveraging the school’s wide array of courses, clubs, and global alumni network, I’ll be poised to develop into a leader at my future firm and beyond. For example, participating in the Personal Leadership Development Programme will enable me to craft a leadership development plan best-suited to my needs. I’ll gain further leadership and management insights from classes like Leadership Communications Foundations and events within the Global Leadership Club. I’m especially interested in learning to motivate and guide larger teams and to help clients tackle their most challenging executive-level issues. Moreover, by completing the Blue Ocean Strategy certificate classes I’ll be better prepared to make strategic project decisions at client sites and bring value to any business implementation. Lessons learned from classes like “Realising Entrepreneurial Potential” and INSEAD LaunchPad aligns directly with my long-term goal of developing an entrepreneurial venture to connect Latin America to US and European innovation hubs—whether within the consulting sphere or in an emerging industry like smart grid development. As a longtime global explorer, I’m particularly looking forward to splitting time between Singapore and France via the Campus Exchange program. Multiple students and alumni have told me how much they’ve gained from INSEAD. For example, Julien Antovici (’16) said, “I loved doing an MBA outside the US for the change of perspective. My section included people from all nationalities and professional backgrounds.” That’s exactly the kind of learning and growth experience I seek, with diverse people, experiences, and viewpoints. In short, I can think of no better place to pursue my educational and professional goals than INSEAD.
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Analysis:
This is an optimal response to a prompt of this sort. Often, questions like, “Is there anything else you’d like to share?” are used an opportunity for students to explain any shortcomings in their academic record (low grades on their transcript, low scores on standardized tests, etc.) and/or extenuating circumstances. While that can be useful context for your readers, here the student instead uses the prompt to offer greater “why us” detail:
As in the prior response, the student does a stellar job of showing genuine interest in the school by mentioning a number of programs, clubs, activities, courses, and other offerings and opportunities unique to INSEAD in which they plan to participate. They also use this prompt as an opportunity to share positive things they’ve heard about the school from students and alumni. Yet again their affiliation with INSEAD students and alumni helps to demonstrate to the admissions committee that not only are they qualified, their networks help to establish that they are the type of student who will succeed in INSEAD’s MBA program.
INSEAD - Job Description Section
5. Briefly summarise your current (or most recent) job, including the nature of work, major responsibilities, and where relevant, employees under your supervision, size of budget, clients/products and results achieved. (200 words maximum) *
At LEK Consulting I am part of consulting teams working across multiple projects, completing analyses, presentation of recommendations, and other supporting tasks toward project goals. My responsibilities vary. Currently, for example, I’m engaging with regional leads across 9 countries to integrate processes and configure systems for a global human-capital-management (HCM) project; earlier I evaluated the ROI of establishing a foreign trade zone (FTZ) at a major electronics distribution client. Overall, I’ve worked with 10+ clients in my career, ranging from smaller local companies (<$1B in revenue) to massive global businesses ($100B+ in revenue). These clients span different industries, with electric utilities being our most common sector of focus and others including: higher education, financial services, entertainment, automotive manufacturing, and supply chain distribution.
Every LEK team’s structure reflects client/project needs. On smaller engagements, I am often the sole consultant handling daily project requirements while reporting to the partner and presenting to client Directors and VPs. On larger, more complex projects I lead 1-2 workstreams (e.g., Global Payroll Integrations Lead) on teams of up to 7-8 consultants. Sometimes I manage an analyst if there is overlap on workstream tasks, or if the project is an internal company initiative.
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Analysis:
The student does a great job here of clearly and thoroughly articulating (while remaining within the 200 word limit) their current professional role and responsibilities. While this is minor, I’d like to mention that unlike the prior example where abbreviations were used without spelling out the terms, they did so here—which is most appropriate for formal writing of this sort.
6. What would be your next step in terms of position if you were to remain in the same company instead of going to business school? (200 words maximum)*
At LEK, the next step for me after Senior Associate would be Manager, followed by Director and eventually Partner. I am one of only two senior analysts who has broken into the ranks of Associate without a master’s degree; and now the only Senior Associate without an MBA after my colleague departed the firm to begin her MBA program.
Moreover, I understand and respect the unspoken policy that an MBA would be required here for advancement to Manager and beyond. A comprehensive management education would build/sharpen intangible leadership qualities critical to more senior roles. This is especially evident at the Director/Partner level, where the focus shifts from analysis/advisory to business development and sales, and where one needs “instant” credibility to succeed. Thus even if I were to advance to Manager without an MBA, I recognize the deep value of attending a program like INSEAD, for the skills I would gain across strategic problem-solving, business development, and people leadership, not to mention a professional qualification recognized and respected worldwide, and an unparalleled global network. Finally, I’m eager to gain perspective and capabilities beyond consulting, given my long-term interest in entrepreneurship.
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Analysis:
In this response, the student is transparent about their interest in INSEAD being about more than just earning the degree—they truly seek the experience of being immersed in learning (rather than being overly focused on the outcome of earning the degree, as is often the case among applicants). The student explains that, while a MBA is typically required for their ability to advance along their current path, there is a possibility that they might be promoted to Manager without a MBA in hand. The student does a fantastic job of stating their desire to gain specific skills while attending INSEAD and hints at their response to the final prompt regarding their future aspirations.
7. Please give a full description of your career since graduating from university. Describe your career path with the rationale behind your choices. (300 words maximum) *
I’ve grown from every post-college career experience.
My first post-graduation job was interning with BTG Pactual’s marketing area in Chile, where I learned new skills in a global environment. Upon returning to the US I began as an analyst at LEK, where I was promoted after one year (versus a typical timeframe of 1.5-2 years). I gained broad and deep experience working in projects across three industries and learning from managers, partners, peers, and clients. Because an MBA was typically required for advancement at LEK, I chose to first transition to Andersen as an HR Transformations Consultant, working on HR design assessments and then a long-term global HR redesign implementation at a multinational automotive client. That demanding project accelerated my growth and led to meaningful new engagement opportunities including leading cross-country process design, working with local SMEs, and serving as scrum master for our offshore development team. My performance earned the client’s and Partners’ respect, making me a go-to consultant for key responsibilities. Meanwhile, I’d remained in contact with LEK partners who had mentored me, and they offered me significant advancement of title and compensation to rejoin the firm, with the additional possibility of MBA sponsorship as per their newly established policy. I was happy to accept the offer, knowing the larger project and leadership responsibility I’d gain at a smaller consultancy. As hoped, I’ve continued to build experience and skills at LEK, growing as an agile thinker and evolving leader. But my time here has only reinforced how much more I have to learn, and how INSEAD would be the ideal source for advanced management training.
— — —
Analysis:
Yet again, this student offers a solid narrative in response to the prompt, fully describing their positions held since graduating with their undergraduate degree. Their response shows self-awareness around the experience, expertise, and skills they gained from each role.
The student is communicating between the lines to the admissions committee when mentioning that their employer may sponsor their MBA. Unfortunately, the last sentence lands as being a bit abrupt and unlike the others instances, they did not appear to be limited by the word count (268 of the 300 word limit). As such, I would recommend they use some of the 32 words remaining to close this essay with a more thorough and thoughtful conclusion.
8. Discuss your short and long term career aspirations with an MBA from INSEAD. (100 words maximum) *
Post-INSEAD I aim to excel as a Manager at LEK, with increasing focus on clean tech and sustainability and/or global supply chain projects, along with excellent client service. Longer term, I’ll use my experience/training to move toward consulting partner or global entrepreneurship. I’m especially interested in green energy. For instance, Distributed Generation is a growing market in LatAm, but many countries lack the “smart grid” transmission system to justify further investment. Similarly, utility-level solar costs are decreasing 9% annually there, making it critical to find the right business strategies/models to scale solar. I’m excited to pursue my vision at INSEAD.
— — —
Analysis:
In prompts of this sort, admissions committees are typically looking for applicants to share examples of clear plans, including transferable skills they hope to gain and the future roles they seek to pursue. However, INSEAD gave a very short 100 word limit; thus, the student’s response did a nice job of responding to the prompt in a way that hopefully gives them an additional advantage by framing their future plans as being innovative—by mentioning their interest in working in clean tech and green energy.
In short, this is an outstanding series of short-answer essays that together position the applicant as a strong and well qualified prospective MBA student, as well as a future leader whose accomplishments and achievements will reflect positively on INSEAD.
Lastly, this student’s submission also underscores why many MBA programs only accept applicants with at least two years of full-time work experience. I speak with many undergraduates and recent graduates who aspire to earn MBA degrees and express frustration that the programs which they’re interested in attending require at least two years of significant work experience—they’d prefer to be admitted immediately following earning their undergraduate degree. While many schools have created new programs for students to earn master's degrees in business-related fields over the past two decades, many traditional MBA programs continue to require two years of professional experience. This student’s responses show how important and impactful his work with Andersen and LEK have been in preparing him for both his MBA studies and his future career trajectory. We are happy to help students compare the variety of graduate business degree program options available and position themselves as outstanding candidates for their best fit schools.
Statement of purpose sample 4
Overview and analysis by Carlos A.
Want to work with Carlos through your grad school admissions process? Schedule a call with our team to learn more here.
Overview:
The statement of purpose below is geared towards application for the PhD in Peace Studies and History at the University of Notre Dame. This academic degree program is designed to provide students with robust theoretical and empirical skills to conduct independent multidisciplinary research in the field of Peace Studies aimed at academic and practitioner positions after completion of the program. This doctoral program differs from traditional field-specific programs in the social sciences in that it focuses on cross-disciplinary theories relating to the study of peace studies. Indeed, this degree program is housed at the Kroc Institute, a leading academic center with the intellectual mission to understand the causes of armed conflict, ways to prevent this conflict, and how to foster peaceful and just societies. The Institute is uniquely suited to conduct research in these areas by drawing on core faculty with expertise in various disciplines ranging from history, political science, anthropology, and sociology. This provides students with a rich intellectual environment in which to pursue a PhD, as the cross-disciplinary approach to doctoral studies provides students with diverse theoretical and methodological models by which to conduct independent research in the field of peace studies.
In the forthcoming statement of purpose analysis, we assess a strong statement of purpose that articulates a few key components that graduate admissions committees seek in prospective students. After all, a statement of purpose is an academic statement designed to develop a thesis as to why the academic interest of the student is a “good fit” for the academic program considered and to signal that the student will succeed if selected for admission to the department. As we will focus on in the analysis, this student successfully defines her:
Inspiration for their intellectual interest in the historical narrative of peace studies
Strong record of accomplishments designed to signal success in the competitive environment of graduate doctoral studies
Specific cross-disciplinary academic research interest the student would pursue in the doctoral program in peace studies
Strong record of accomplishments designed to signal success in the competitive environment of graduate doctoral studies; and
Highlights how the academic interests would fit neatly within the expertise of faculty already at the Kroc Institute.
Read it in full first, or scroll down for a paragraph-by-paragraph analysis.
Paul Rusesabagina, the hero of the Hollywood blockbuster Hotel Rwanda, is not considered a “rescuer” in Rwanda nor in academic literature because, according to the Rwandan government, he made Tutsis pay to stay at the Hotel de Milles Collines. Similarly vexing, there are very few “Righteous Among the Nations” from Denmark, despite 99% of Danish Jews surviving the Holocaust; the Danish Underground wanted to be seen as a communal movement, precluding them from the honor, which is only given to individuals. Much of the limited scholarship on rescuing during mass atrocities defines “rescuers” using stringent constraints set by Yad Vashem’s “Righteous Among the Nations” eligibility criteria: individuals must be non-Jewish and have (1) had active involvement in saving Jews; (2) risked their lives, liberty, or position; and (3) been only altruistically motivated. The Rwandan government supplements these criteria with additional constraints in the context of the Rwandan genocide: only those who saved lives but did not kill can be considered rescuers, reaffirming a criterion of moral absolutism, and denying the study of complex actors.
I will commit my academic career to expanding how we study rescuing narratives in contexts of mass atrocities and transitional justice, starting with four questions: (1) what do we learn from studying individuals who saved lives but do not meet the “Righteous Among the Nations” eligibility criteria; (2) how might we understand institutions and states as rescuers, going beyond the existing literature on so-called “altruistic” individuals; (3) how would studying rescuing outside of the contexts of the Rwandan genocide and the Holocaust — the primary case studies of academic literature — influence our understanding of rescuing; and (4) how and to what effect has the “rescuer” label been politicized? To begin to explore these questions, I will focus my doctoral studies on a historical analysis of how regional and international state actors in the modern Middle East established themselves as altruistic rescuers, but then used the morally absolute definition of rescuing to deny or rationalize their involvement in subsequent war crimes, crimes against humanity, and genocide.
The University of Amsterdam and the University of Chicago provided me with a strong intellectual foundation for pursuing this research. In my Master’s thesis, which was awarded the University of Amsterdam Faculty of Humanities Thesis Prize, I developed a historical analysis of rescuing during the Rwandan genocide. I used oral testimonies, memoirs, newspaper articles, and government-sponsored content to compare the reasons given for rescuing by Hutu rescuers, UN Commander Roméo Dallaire, humanitarian aid worker Carl Wilkens, and the Rwandan Patriotic Front. I then wrote a peer-reviewed book chapter, forthcoming, which explored the constraints of the “rescuer” label (The Holocaust: Remembrance, Respect, Resilience, edited by Michael Posner and Suki John).
At UChicago, I delved into the history of human rights through the Human Rights minor with Susan Gzesh and Mark Bradley and engaged in the interdisciplinary discourse on mass violence through courses including “Perpetrators, Victims, and Bystanders” (Eric Stover) and “Insurgency, Terrorism, and Civil War” (Paul Staniland). Through Harvard’s history study abroad program in Ghana (Emmanuel Akyeampong), I researched how the Middle Passage developed trauma-based communal identities. Building on my coursework, my Bachelor’s thesis developed a historical analysis to evaluate early warning signs of genocidal events in Darfur. Arabic classes in high school and college and Arabic lessons with tutors, as well as an immersion course in Summer 2022, will enable me to study primary sources on rescuing in the Middle East.
My decision to pursue doctoral studies is also informed by my professional experiences at the Social Science Research Council (SSRC), J-PAL North America (MIT), and SYE Initiative and DAWNetwork. At the SSRC, I coordinated a fellowship that supports African PhD candidates studying peace and security. I planned and attended five workshops in sub-Saharan Africa, where fellows developed dissertation proposals, discussed research methodology, and fine-tuned their dissertations. At J-PAL North America, I coordinate fundraising, accruing $15 million to support randomized evaluations on poverty alleviation. As Program Manager at SYE Initiative, a nonprofit that helps Syrian and Iraqi students apply to college, and as founder of DAWNetwork, a mentorship program for Syrian girls, I fostered my interest in the Middle East and developed deep networks in both Syria and Iraq. Working with students in contexts where academic inquiry is so deeply politicized has reinforced my resolve to take more critical approaches to historical narratives.
Genocide Studies inherently prompts interdisciplinary questions: history, psychology, sociology, anthropology, and political science are all essential to gaining a more comprehensive understanding of mass atrocities and transitional justice. My undergraduate studies taught me the value of interdisciplinary approaches to studying conflict, while my history-centered Master’s program enriched my understanding of the foundational need for historical analyses. The constrained definitions of “rescuing” conjoined with the politicization of the rescuer label have established accepted histories out of incomplete narratives; combining historical sources, including archival sources and oral testimonies, with the interdisciplinary dynamics of peace studies will be essential to bringing more complex narratives to light.
The University of Notre Dame’s Peace Studies and History PhD is an ideal fit to pursue research on the creation and manipulation of rescuing narratives throughout the 20th century. I look forward to studying with and being advised by scholars who have grappled with the historical legacies of mass conflict. In the History department, I hope to work with Professors Aron Coleman and James Dell. Coleman’s work on the legacies of national identity, and the interplay between memory, history, and violence, as well as his regional expertise on the Levant, provides an ideal ecosystem for exploring rescuing narratives at the macro-level. James Dell’s work on nationalism and state making would provide thematic and methodological groundings for my own research. I furthermore hope to enrich my research through the interdisciplinary approach of Peace Studies by studying the dynamics of rescuing through the lenses of transitional justice and comparative genocide studies with Professor Veraga. I look forward to the intellectual dialogue and mentorship I would find at the University of Notre Dame, where I could grapple with fundamental questions on resistance, peace and war, and the manipulation of history to realize political goals.
— — —
PhD statement of purpose example, with analysis:
Paul Rusesabagina, the hero of the Hollywood blockbuster Hotel Rwanda, is not considered a “rescuer” in Rwanda nor in academic literature because, according to the Rwandan government, he made Tutsis pay to stay at the Hotel de Milles Collines. Similarly vexing, there are very few “Righteous Among the Nations” from Denmark, despite 99% of Danish Jews surviving the Holocaust; the Danish Underground wanted to be seen as a communal movement, precluding them from the honor, which is only given to individuals. Much of the limited scholarship on rescuing during mass atrocities defines “rescuers” using stringent constraints set by Yad Vashem’s “Righteous Among the Nations” eligibility criteria: individuals must be non-Jewish and have (1) had active involvement in saving Jews; (2) risked their lives, liberty, or position; and (3) been only altruistically motivated. The Rwandan government supplements these criteria with additional constraints in the context of the Rwandan genocide: only those who saved lives but did not kill can be considered rescuers, reaffirming a criterion of moral absolutism, and denying the study of complex actors.
— — —
Analysis:
This first paragraph speaks to limited scholarship on defining rescuers within the broader context of Peace Studies. This first paragraph is focused on drawing an introductory narrative by highlighting a description of a Hollywood film and how popular media helps shed light on how academic research is needed to redefine “rescuers”. This first paragraph helps set the stage for subsequent paragraphs to define specific research questions and how this intellectual interest was fostered in previous educational pursuits at the undergraduate and master’s level.
Overall, this is a fantastic start to the statement of purpose that could be perhaps strengthened with a more explicit thesis statement of why this doctoral program is uniquely suited towards providing the student the academic training needed to tackle a normatively important question.
Now onto the next paragraph:
I will commit my academic career to expanding how we study rescuing narratives in contexts of mass atrocities and transitional justice, starting with four questions: (1) what do we learn from studying individuals who saved lives but do not meet the “Righteous Among the Nations” eligibility criteria; (2) how might we understand institutions and states as rescuers, going beyond the existing literature on so-called “altruistic” individuals; (3) how would studying rescuing outside of the contexts of the Rwandan genocide and the Holocaust — the primary case studies of academic literature — influence our understanding of rescuing; and (4) how and to what effect has the “rescuer” label been politicized? To begin to explore these questions, I will focus my doctoral studies on a historical analysis of how regional and international state actors in the modern Middle East established themselves as altruistic rescuers, but then used the morally absolute definition of rescuing to deny or rationalize their involvement in subsequent war crimes, crimes against humanity, and genocide.
— — —
Analysis:
This is a fantastic paragraph that is, appropriately, featured prominently at the beginning of the statement of purpose. The student does an exemplary job clearly articulating the academic questions they wish to explore in potential admission to the multidisciplinary peace studies graduate program. In the above paragraph, the applicant clearly articulates academic interests to “expand” the scholarly field of inquiry of developing narratives in contexts of mass atrocities, such as the previously mentioned Rwandan genocide and Holocaust. Again, the only suggestion towards strengthening an already outstanding statement introduction is, early on, identifying how individual faculty expertise could help the student tackle the “big questions” laid out in this paragraph. Put simply, how does this specific scholarly interest in “rescuers” fit with the department’s program offering and why are you applying for this specific graduate program?
Overall, the preceding two paragraphs help complete the first critical task of this statement of purpose: (1) inspiration for their intellectual interest in the historical narrative of peace studies.
The next pargaph:
The University of Amsterdam and the University of Chicago provided me with a strong intellectual foundation for pursuing this research. In my Master’s thesis, which was awarded the University of Amsterdam Faculty of Humanities Thesis Prize, I developed a historical analysis of rescuing during the Rwandan genocide. I used oral testimonies, memoirs, newspaper articles, and government-sponsored content to compare the reasons given for rescuing by Hutu rescuers, UN Commander Roméo Dallaire, humanitarian aid worker Carl Wilkens, and the Rwandan Patriotic Front. I then wrote a peer-reviewed book chapter, forthcoming, which explored the constraints of the “rescuer” label (The Holocaust: Remembrance, Respect, Resilience, edited by Michael Posner and Suki John).
At UChicago, I delved into the history of human rights through the Human Rights minor with Susan Gzesh and Mark Bradley and engaged in the interdisciplinary discourse on mass violence through courses including “Perpetrators, Victims, and Bystanders” (Eric Stover) and “Insurgency, Terrorism, and Civil War” (Paul Staniland). Through Harvard’s history study abroad program in Ghana (Emmanuel Akyeampong), I researched how the Middle Passage developed trauma-based communal identities. Building on my coursework, my Bachelor’s thesis developed a historical analysis to evaluate early warning signs of genocidal events in Darfur. Arabic classes in high school and college and Arabic lessons with tutors, as well as an immersion course in Summer 2022, will enable me to study primary sources on rescuing in the Middle East.
— — —
Analysis:
These two preceding paragraphs highlight the applicant’s strong record of accomplishments (point (4) above) and how this record helps inform their decision to apply to the program. This section, in a very effective manner, demonstrates her strong likelihood of success in a graduate program in peace studies. In the first paragraph, the applicant highlights previous work at the master’s level and touches on previous research conducted at this level of graduate education. Moreover, the applicant shares that they have engaged in peer reviewed research on the topic prior to a doctoral program. Given the challenges of publishing, this is a major accomplishment and should be a central component of the application. Indeed, one suggestion to tweak this statement of purpose would be to signal this scholarship to the admissions committee within the first few paragraphs and how this experience leads to an academic interest in peace studies at the doctoral level.
Another potential suggestion to strengthen this already outstanding statement of purpose is to go chronologically with respect to highlighting these academic achievements. One potential avenue could be to first discuss how the undergraduate experience informs the decision to pursue a master’s degree within the area of peace studies. The structure of such a narrative of academic accomplishments is apparent in the two preceding paragraphs. I would focus on using the material in these two paragraphs to firmly build a scholarly journey: how did your experience at the undergraduate level inform your decision to pursue a master’s degree and, ultimately, how did this cumulative journey from the undergraduate to the master’s level inform the decision to pursue the stellar research highlighted previously in a peace studies PhD?
My decision to pursue doctoral studies is also informed by my professional experiences at the Social Science Research Council (SSRC), J-PAL North America (MIT), and SYE Initiative and DAWNetwork. At the SSRC, I coordinated a fellowship that supports African PhD candidates studying peace and security. I planned and attended five workshops in sub-Saharan Africa, where fellows developed dissertation proposals, discussed research methodology, and fine-tuned their dissertations. At J-PAL North America, I coordinate fundraising, accruing $15 million to support randomized evaluations on poverty alleviation. As Program Manager at SYE Initiative, a nonprofit that helps Syrian and Iraqi students apply to college, and as founder of DAWNetwork, a mentorship program for Syrian girls, I fostered my interest in the Middle East and developed deep networks in both Syria and Iraq. Working with students in contexts where academic inquiry is so deeply politicized has reinforced my resolve to take more critical approaches to historical narratives.
— — —
Analysis:
This professional experience paragraph further strengthens the statement of purpose by articulating how these professional experiences inform the scholarly interest in developing narratives of rescuers during catastrophic events involving human suffering. This professional experience is rich and applied, showcasing that the applicant has direct experience in organizing workshops in sub-Saharan Africa and exposure with refugees fleeing war-torn areas. The author uses this professional experience to build on the personal narrative and explicitly states how this professional experience is relevant to developing a scholarly interest in the topic of defining rescuers. Specifically, this passage effectively intertwines how Syrian and Iraqi student networks informed her interest in conducting research on developing historical narratives during times of conflict. This is a very strong section that defines how professional experience informs her desire to pursue a graduate degree assessing these important research questions.
Overall, the preceding two paragraphs help tackle another key component of this academic statement by addressing: (2) strong record of accomplishments designed to signal success in the competitive environment of graduate doctoral studies.
Genocide Studies inherently prompts interdisciplinary questions: history, psychology, sociology, anthropology, and political science are all essential to gaining a more comprehensive understanding of mass atrocities and transitional justice. My undergraduate studies taught me the value of interdisciplinary approaches to studying conflict, while my history-centered Master’s program enriched my understanding of the foundational need for historical analyses. The constrained definitions of “rescuing” conjoined with the politicization of the rescuer label have established accepted histories out of incomplete narratives; combining historical sources, including archival sources and oral testimonies, with the interdisciplinary dynamics of peace studies will be essential to bringing more complex narratives to light.
— — —
Analysis:
This is a terrific paragraph that highlights both academic interests and fit with the program.
One potential recommendation to strengthen this paragraph is to expand it by connecting the historical and political analysis plan advocated to the interdisciplinary nature of the peace studies program. For example, why is an interdisciplinary approach appealing? Is it due to differing theoretical approaches to genocide studies or is it due to difference in methodological approaches?
This section could expand as to why their multidisciplinary approach towards studying conflict would be an ideal fit in this peace studies program with perhaps tying this section back to the professional experience of assessing both the politicization and historical origins of conflict. This expansion of the paragraph would really drive home another key consideration: (3) specific cross-disciplinary academic research interest the student would pursue in the doctoral program in peace studies.
The University of Notre Dame’s Peace Studies and History PhD is an ideal fit to pursue research on the creation and manipulation of rescuing narratives throughout the 20th century. I look forward to studying with and being advised by scholars who have grappled with the historical legacies of mass conflict. In the History department, I hope to work with Professors Aron Coleman and James Dell. Coleman’s work on the legacies of national identity, and the interplay between memory, history, and violence, as well as his regional expertise on the Levant, provides an ideal ecosystem for exploring rescuing narratives at the macro-level. James Dell’s work on nationalism and state making would provide thematic and methodological groundings for my own research. I furthermore hope to enrich my research through the interdisciplinary approach of Peace Studies by studying the dynamics of rescuing through the lenses of transitional justice and comparative genocide studies with Professor Veraga. I look forward to the intellectual dialogue and mentorship I would find at the University of Notre Dame, where I could grapple with fundamental questions on resistance, peace and war, and the manipulation of history to realize political goals.
— — —
Next, let’s discuss the student’s final paragraph:
Analysis:
This is another terrific paragraph that articulates why the specific department of peace studies is an attractive option for the applicant to pursue a doctoral degree assessing the narratives used to define “rescuers” in mass atrocities. This paragraph is terrific for a few key reasons:
There is clear identification of scholars and their work in the area of defining narratives to mass atrocities. Indeed, there is clear overlap between the research areas of the identified faculty and the academic interests pursued by the applicant. This strongly signals to the admissions committee that the applicant has taken the time to not only familiarize themselves with the work provided by the faculty member, but also how these research areas can inform potential mentorship in graduate school. It would strengthen this SoP even further to feature this paragraph more prominently rather than being relegated to the concluding paragraph—departments would like to see how a prospective student fits in with the scholarly orientation of individual faculty members and this paragraph does just that.
Overall, the preceding section helps tackle the fifth key component: (5) highlighting how the academic interests would fit neatly within the expertise of faculty already at the Kroc Institute.
In sum, this is an outstanding statement of purpose that hits all the key components that signal to a doctoral admissions committee as to why an applicant would thrive as a scholar within their department.
Graduate school personal statement example 5
Overview and analysis by Carlos A.
Want to work with Carlos through your grad school admissions process? Schedule a call with our team to learn more here.
Overview:
This statement of purpose is geared towards application for the Masters in Family and Community Education at the Teachers College, Columbia University. This applied degree program is designed to give educators the intellectual skills needed to consider how education is linked with family and family support institutions, such as schools, day care centers, and social service agencies. As such, this degree program seeks educators that would like to continue their education with an emphasis on how to integrate family support structures into their teaching and mentorship pedagogy, emphasizing a critical understanding of the role family and support institutions play in shaping educational policy, practice, and instruction.
In the statement of purpose analysis below, we assess a strong statement of purpose that can be also improved in providing a competitive application for this degree program. As discussed above, a statement of purpose is an academic statement designed to build a thesis as to why the academic interests of the student are a “good fit” for the academic program considered and to signal ultimate success if selected for admission.
Specifically, we focus on:
Whether the applicant emphasizes intellectual interests congruent with the mission of the education department’s degree program
Whether past professional and personal experiences help shape these intellectual interests, and
How completion of the applied degree program will provide the applicant with the skillsets they need to advance their career objectives in the education field.
Overall, this statement of purpose, while requiring some editing, establishes a strong foundation anchoring a successful application for admission to the degree program. As the specific analysis will show, the applicant draws on their diverse experience as a nonbinary and Latinx educator to emphasize their intellectual interests in how to use racial justice to develop the quantitative and ethnographic skills needed to support diverse student populations, particularly Black and Latinx queer youth. Moreover, and while a bit limited as the forthcoming analysis shows, the applicant also articulates how admission to the Masters in Family and Community Education program will sharpen pedological practices that will inform their approach to community-based learning to diverse student populations.
Read it in full first, or scroll down for a paragraph-by-paragraph analysis.
As public school educators, my parents understood that learning went beyond the four walls of the classroom. With an open door policy for students and their families, my parents modeled for me how to welcome and nurture relationships with newly arrived immigrant and working class communities. The house I grew up in was home to parent-teacher conferences over cafecito, informal English-language lessons, and communal gatherings during American holidays. In our home, I remember providing gentle guidance to a heartbroken mother whose gay child was being bullied and harassed. As a gay and Latinx child, school taught me that the key to avoiding harassment was a series of rather unsuccessful attempts to codeswitch and hide my truths. Thankfully, my home, my parents, and my experiences as Latinx and nonbinary propelled me to further explore how queer students could be supported outside school—particularly through museums and community centers. I am confident that my aspiration to create spaces of truth-telling and healing for queer, Black, and Latinx youth can be fortified through the Family and Community Education concentration within the International Educational Development program at Teachers College.
Both my commitment to racial justice and my interest in exploring how museums mediate critical conversations brought me to Washington, D.C., to work with the Association for the Study of African American Life and History (ASALH). In my role at ASALH, I support the sacred work of honoring those who experienced racial injustice in the United States by creating curricular materials for schools and organizations visiting D.C.’s museums. In addition to curriculum development and marketing, I am also responsible for facilitating visits that are mindful and considerate of how Black visitors may be moving through the space with intimate and personal familiarity.
In an early instance, I was guiding a Black North Carolinian family who had driven to visit memorials. During their visit, I was struck by the gravity of a request they made—for me to help find the names of potential kin lynched in Johnston County, North Carolina. While we did not find a recognizable name, the family’s grief and mourning translated into a weighted silence that I have grown accustomed to reverently witnessing. Every time I observe families in shock and awe when reading the atrocities that occurred in their own counties—counties that, to this day, omit our history of racial terror.
The existence of Equal Justice Initiative’s memorial in the “Cradle of the Confederacy” provided me a fresh lens to how a community space can reckon with complex histories and provide a pathway toward necessary healing. If a memorial like this could stand in the Deep South then there is surely room for spaces that reflect the histories of LGBTQ+ Black and Latinx people. During my undergraduate studies, I read the work of Hope Jensen Leichter from Teachers College on Families and Communities as Educators. I was interested in how “the family selects, criticizes, appraises, complements and transforms the museum experience.” Leichter’s wisdom inspired me to build a permanent LGBTQ+ resource room at Williams College that also acted as an archive of queer experiences.
I carry the lessons of Leichter’s assertions into my work within the greater D.C. community. Earlier this year, I worked with volunteers to open an LGBTQ+ resource center that houses a food pantry, mentorship programs, and health resources. As a mentor to queer youth, I am confronted with providing social-emotional care to students who are underserved by local schools. Additionally, our center guides confused and weary parents through a process of understanding, acceptance, and care for their LGBTQ+ children.Most recently, I worked with Alia, a student who came out as bisexual to a parent who was initially unaccepting. In two months, Alia’s mother went from denial to collecting pamphlets on allyship. Alia’s story reminded me of my own coming out experience and how I sought out guidance from other queer peers and elders when home became hostile. The gradual process of acceptance between Alia and her mother motivates me to study effective programming that not only support queer youth but educates families on complex topics such as gender and sexuality. Studying at Teachers College will provide me the opportunity to engage with organizations such as the LGBT Center of New York, which houses family support groups and museum exhibits that families can experience together.
Teachers College would provide an opportunity for me to further develop my quantitative and ethnographic skills in assessing how community institutions support Black and Latinx queer youth. I am also interested in the global lens of this work with professors like Regina Cortina. Professor Cortina’s research in the education of indigenous children across Latin America piques my interest in how communities unite to preserve their unique heritage, culture, and identity. At Teachers College, I will further investigate the pedagogical practices that shaped my belief in the power of education to strengthen families and foster the type of community-based learning I first experienced at home. I ultimately seek to follow my parents model of community engagement by supporting LGBTQ+ youth who face close-minded individuals, closed borders, and closed doors.— — —
IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS:
Let’s start with paragraph one:
As public school educators, my parents understood that learning went beyond the four walls of the classroom. With an open door policy for students and their families, my parents modeled for me how to welcome and nurture relationships with newly arrived immigrant and working class communities. The house I grew up in was home to parent-teacher conferences over cafecito, informal English-language lessons, and communal gatherings during American holidays. In our home, I remember providing gentle guidance to a heartbroken mother whose gay child was being bullied and harassed. As a gay and Latinx child, school taught me that the key to avoiding harassment was a series of rather unsuccessful attempts to codeswitch and hide my truths. Thankfully, my home, my parents, and my experiences as Latinx and nonbinary propelled me to further explore how queer students could be supported outside school—particularly through museums and community centers. I am confident that my aspiration to create spaces of truth-telling and healing for queer, Black, and Latinx youth can be fortified through the Family and Community Education concentration within the International Educational Development program at Teachers College.
Analysis:
This initial paragraph is excellent in laying a strong foundation to address the first two areas that a statement of purpose should focus on:
Whether the applicant emphasizes intellectual interests congruent with the mission of the education department’s degree program
Whether past professional and personal experiences help shape these intellectual interests.
First, the author draws on personal experience as a gay Latinx child in a “newly arrived” immigrant and working-class community to highlight an interest in assessing how underserved populations, particularly queer students, could be supported outside of school. This is excellent given the focus of the Family and Community Education centers on how extracurricular institutions, such as family and community support structures, can improve extracurricular outcomes.
By bringing in a personal experience of growing up in a diverse community actively involved in the educational experience of their children. This personal narrative is directly congruent with the educational goals of the applied program and signals a “good fit” with the goals of the academic program of interest.
Onto the next paragraph:
Both my commitment to racial justice and my interest in exploring how museums mediate critical conversations brought me to Washington, D.C., to work with the Association for the Study of African American Life and History (ASALH). In my role at ASALH, I support the sacred work of honoring those who experienced racial injustice in the United States by creating curricular materials for schools and organizations visiting D.C.’s museums. In addition to curriculum development and marketing, I am also responsible for facilitating visits that are mindful and considerate of how Black visitors may be moving through the space with intimate and personal familiarity.
In an early instance, I was guiding a Black North Carolinian family who had driven to visit memorials. During their visit, I was struck by the gravity of a request they made—for me to help find the names of potential kin lynched in Johnston County, North Carolina. While we did not find a recognizable name, the family’s grief and mourning translated into a weighted silence that I have grown accustomed to reverently witnessing. Every time I observe families in shock and awe when reading the atrocities that occurred in their own counties—counties that, to this day, omit our history of racial terror.
The existence of Equal Justice Initiative’s memorial in the “Cradle of the Confederacy” provided me a fresh lens to how a community space can reckon with complex histories and provide a pathway toward necessary healing. If a memorial like this could stand in the Deep South then there is surely room for spaces that reflect the histories of LGBTQ+ Black and Latinx people. During my undergraduate studies, I read the work of Hope Jensen Leichter from Teachers College on Families and Communities as Educators. I was interested in how “the family selects, criticizes, appraises, complements and transforms the museum experience.” Leichter’s wisdom inspired me to build a permanent LGBTQ+ resource room at Williams College that also acted as an archive of queer experiences.
I carry the lessons of Leichter’s assertions into my work within the greater D.C. community. Earlier this year, I worked with volunteers to open an LGBTQ+ resource center that houses a food pantry, mentorship programs, and health resources. As a mentor to queer youth, I am confronted with providing social-emotional care to students who are underserved by local schools. Additionally, our center guides confused and weary parents through a process of understanding, acceptance, and care for their LGBTQ+ children.
Analysis:
The previous four paragraphs help further articulate the second point of focus: (2) whether past professional and personal experiences help shape these intellectual interests. It is clear reading these preceding paragraphs that the applicant has important experience in racial justice, demonstrated through the development of curriculum for the Association for the Study of African American Life and History. This experience helps inform how a community space with complex histories can be used “as a pathway toward necessary healing” and how these structures can integrate community support structures towards more equitable education outcomes.
Moreover, this theme is continued when speaking to their experience opening an LGBTQ+ resource center that provides a food pantry, student mentorship programs, and health resources within the greater DC community. This is an important narrative that can be further tied, explicitly, to the teaching objectives of the applied graduate program in family and community education offered at the Teacher’s College; this is a directly relevant narrative that is consistent with the academic objectives and values of the program.
Most recently, I worked with Alia, a student who came out as bisexual to a parent who was initially unaccepting. In two months, Alia’s mother went from denial to collecting pamphlets on allyship. Alia’s story reminded me of my own coming out experience and how I sought out guidance from other queer peers and elders when home became hostile. The gradual process of acceptance between Alia and her mother motivates me to study effective programming that not only support queer youth but educates families on complex topics such as gender and sexuality. Studying at Teachers College will provide me the opportunity to engage with organizations such as the LGBT Center of New York, which houses family support groups and museum exhibits that families can experience together.
Teachers College would provide an opportunity for me to further develop my quantitative and ethnographic skills in assessing how community institutions support Black and Latinx queer youth. I am also interested in the global lens of this work with professors like Regina Cortina. Professor Cortina’s research in the education of indigenous children across Latin America piques my interest in how communities unite to preserve their unique heritage, culture, and identity. At Teachers College, I will further investigate the pedagogical practices that shaped my belief in the power of education to strengthen families and foster the type of community-based learning I first experienced at home. I ultimately seek to follow my parents model of community engagement by supporting LGBTQ+ youth who face close-minded individuals, closed borders, and closed doors.
Analysis:
Lastly, the final two paragraphs address the third point: (3) how completion of the applied degree program will provide the applicant with the skillsets they need to advance their career objectives in the education field.
First, the applicant draws on their specific experience in mentoring a bisexual student to motivate their desire to work with LGBT Center of New York during their prospective time at the Teacher’s College. As the program emphasizes community-based structures in helping achieve more equitable education outcomes, this experience signals to the admissions committee that the applicant has engaged in thoughtful analysis of how to further sharpen skill sets needed to reach underserved students in their future academic endeavors.
Coupled with the identification of specific faculty’s interest in the last paragraph and the desire to further investigate pedagogical practices to further foster community-based learning, the applicant effectively paints a picture of how admission to the applied masters of family and community education at Teacher’s College can help facilitate growth in their future career goals in the education field.
While clearly effective, this section can be further strengthened by expanding how the Masters in Family and Community Education program will sharpen pedological practices that will inform their approach to community-based learning to diverse student populations, particularly in the highlighted nonbinary and Latinx communities.
Example statement of purpose 6
The following statement of purpose example was written for UPenn’s Integrated Product Design program (but the student decided to attend Harvard).
The paragraph-by-paragraph analysis of the statement of purpose example below was written by Kathy Liu.
Want to work with Kathy through your grad school admissions process? Schedule a call with our team to learn more here.
UPenn IPD Prompt:
Personal statement of research and professional interests (2-page limit). IPD applicants may choose to write a personal statement that addresses all of the questions below or submit a statement of their own design.
Why are you applying to IPD? Why is it the right choice for you right now?
What do you believe you can achieve with us personally or professionally that you can’t anywhere else in the world?
Tell us about a time when you identified a new, unusual or different approach for addressing a problem or task?
What’s the most important thing you’ve learned from a peer and how have you used that lesson in your day-to-day life?
Read it in full first, or scroll down for a paragraph-by-paragraph analysis.
UPenn IPD Statement of Purpose
I am a student of social policy, a civic engagement practitioner, a designer and an elite athlete (in fact, last time I visited Penn’s campus I was competing against your fencing team). In all, I’m a multidisciplinary thinker. I know that innovative solutions are created through an intersection of disciplines and a diversity of practices. I am pursuing graduate study in order to further my ability to innovate and to address problems using manifold strategies. The Master of Integrated Product Design program at University of Pennsylvania is an opportunity not only to deepen my design practice but to strengthen it through innovative engineering and clever business practices. I am seeking opportunities to extend my tools for making a difference and I believe that the M:IPD program at Penn would do just that.
When I started my first quarter at Northwestern University all I knew was that I wanted to study something that would allow me to leverage my education for the betterment of communities. Eventually, I landed on Social Policy, a degree that would provide the opportunity to challenge systems and learn the methodologies necessary to improve those systems. Despite my interest in making change at the policy level, I was hungry for opportunities to engage with issues in a more hands-on way. So, I pursued and completed two additional certificates: the Civic Engagement Certificate and the Design Certificate, both as a means of doing hands-on work to improve the lives of community members. Now, I am seeking graduate study for similar reasons. I want to deepen my creative practice through study of new methodologies in order to increase my breadth and efficacy as a designer.
As a designer, I am focused on two main domains. Much of my design work centers around accessibility. I seek to utilize design to increase access to experiences, products and opportunities. One community that I’m particularly moved by and interested in designing for, is that of aging or older adults. A project in my portfolio, “CareBot” is an example of my work in this domain as it seeks to provide older adults with access to community, family, and empathetic medical care. In my time in the M:IPD program, I would be interested in continuing and expanding upon this focus. The engineering aspect of the program is especially interesting to me as I believe it would provide tangible means of innovation in order to bolster my aesthetic design work. I know that courses such as “Rehab Engineering & Design” would be integral to leveraging engineering methodologies for creating real-world impact.
My other domain of interest is within the field of technology ethics. Issues such as cell phone addiction, data privacy, and artificial intelligence development all intrigue me. I strongly believe that technology can be developed in a way that prioritizes human connection, empathy, and access. Using systems-level design solutions, I am interested in transforming not only technology products but also the process used to develop those products in order to craft humanistic technology solutions. Penn’s multidisciplinary framework is uniquely situated to help me create thoughtful and effective design solutions to technology’s most pressing issues. No consequential innovation can be created using just one discipline but rather requires tactful marrying of many key practices. I recognize that in order to improve quality of life through my design work I require a deeper understanding of business strategy and engineering practices. As such, I am excited about the ability to focus on a number of electives in order to take advantage of the M:IPD’s three-pronged focus and develop skills across human-centered design disciplines, especially in engineering.
Though Northwestern University does not have a full design degree program, I created my own path through my studies. Through the Segal Design Certificate program, I developed skills in human-centered design methodologies. I have a strong understanding of the product development process and the steps required to deliver on complex problems. To augment the program, I also participated in Advanced Design’s “Offsite” program which seeks to give developing designers the skills necessary to excel in design programs and studios. Consequently, I have proficiency in CAD, Keyshot, sketching, and physical prototyping methods. I am confident that I have the necessary skills to execute design projects, communicate my ideas, and craft effective solutions to problems that require innovation. Studying in the Weitzman School of Design and Penn Engineering would deepen this skillset and further expand it, so as to provide the skills necessary to deliver on my ideas.
I have also held a number of work and internship experiences that would inform my work as both a student and a community member at Penn. In my role at Unity Technologies, I worked to identify issues with the grant evaluation process utilized by Unity’s Social Impact team. As a result of research, observation, and ideation I overhauled the grant writing and evaluation process to increase efficacy and ease of use. Currently, I work as a Design Lead at Iris Education, a startup that seeks to provide reliable and accessible information about US universities to international students. There, I run a team of four designers and developers to design the UI/UX and implement thoughtful design decisions into code. No matter my role in previous organizations, I am seen as a critical thinker and team player. Whether it be implementing one line of code or unifying a team to deliver an entire product, I am always striving to be a thoughtful and impactful problem-solver. If given the opportunity, I would work to continue growing as a leader in the Penn community and honing my collaborative skills on projects with my peers.
I want to be a truly innovative designer, working to increase equity and community. I see study at Penn as an invaluable opportunity to become a triple-threat problem solver, a chameleon that can be impactful in nearly any problem solving situation. To me, the M:IPD program would provide the best path towards becoming a more effective and adroit designer. Penn’s multidisciplinary approach and community resonate with me. I have many interests, from studying social policy to playing multiple instruments to being an elite fencer, and I thrive in communities where a wide variety of interests are not only celebrated but enhanced. I am looking for a learning community that sits at the intersection of my multidisciplinary interests. The last time I was on Penn’s campus was when I was competing against Penn’s women’s fencing team. Next year I hope to be on the other side, a member of the Penn educational community, cheering on my new home team.
— — —
IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS
First, let’s take a look at the opening paragraph:
I am a student of social policy, a civic engagement practitioner, a designer and an elite athlete (in fact, last time I visited Penn’s campus I was competing against your fencing team). In all, I’m a multidisciplinary thinker. I know that innovative solutions are created through an intersection of disciplines and a diversity of practices. I am pursuing graduate study in order to further my ability to innovate and to address problems using manifold strategies. The Master of Integrated Product Design program at University of Pennsylvania is an opportunity not only to deepen my design practice but to strengthen it through innovative engineering and clever business practices. I am seeking opportunities to extend my tools for making a difference and I believe that the M:IPD program at Penn would do just that.
Analysis:
The intro is clear and effective: Upfront in the first sentence, this paragraph gives an image of what the student is passionate about in a very specific, comprehensive, and compelling list. It immediately shows familiarity with UPenn (helping immediately draw the reader’s attention to the fact that this student is genuinely interested in UPenn specifically) using a direct anecdote of competing against the UPenn fencing team. The paragraph then clearly gives the reader the student’s “why” for grad school immediately and why UPenn’s Integrated Product Design program aligns with those goals.
The student could strengthen the intro even further by shifting some elements in the latter half of the paragraph that are a little vague: for example, “manifold strategies” could be more specific in saying things like “combination of civic engagement and social design strategies.” This isn’t particularly a concern because it’s only the introduction. But in your own SoP consider adding more details and precise phrasing.
Now, let’s get into the next paragraph:
When I started my first quarter at Northwestern University all I knew was that I wanted to study something that would allow me to leverage my education for the betterment of communities. Eventually, I landed on Social Policy, a degree that would provide the opportunity to challenge systems and learn the methodologies necessary to improve those systems. Despite my interest in making change at the policy level, I was hungry for opportunities to engage with issues in a more hands-on way. So, I pursued and completed two additional certificates: the Civic Engagement Certificate and the Design Certificate, both as a means of doing hands-on work to improve the lives of community members. Now, I am seeking graduate study for similar reasons. I want to deepen my creative practice through study of new methodologies in order to increase my breadth and efficacy as a designer.
Analysis:
This paragraph excels with a very clear pairing of intention (what they wanted to study and who they wanted to impact), follow-up action (which programs), and results (the student’s impact). The student does a great job of describing their academic journey, which shows that the student has long-range vision and the ability to execute towards making that vision happen. An explanation of a student’s degree program should definitely be included in the SoP and this paragraph is a great example.
The student then fantastically connects their past work and education with their current goals to pursue in grad school, showing that they’ll take what they learn to another level afterwards. This positions them as a future leader a school will want to invest in.
Let’s take a look at the next paragraph:
As a designer, I am focused on two main domains. Much of my design work centers around accessibility. I seek to utilize design to increase access to experiences, products and opportunities. One community that I’m particularly moved by and interested in designing for, is that of aging or older adults. A project in my portfolio, “CareBot” is an example of my work in this domain as it seeks to provide older adults with access to community, family, and empathetic medical care. In my time in the M:IPD program, I would be interested in continuing and expanding upon this focus. The engineering aspect of the program is especially interesting to me as I believe it would provide tangible means of innovation in order to bolster my aesthetic design work. I know that courses such as “Rehab Engineering & Design” would be integral to leveraging engineering methodologies for creating real-world impact.
Analysis:
Graduate programs will want to see that you are able to go past just what your major/academic program requires you to do—that you will create projects and chase your passions outside of classes. The student does a great job with that here, especially by explicitly naming their past projects like “CareBot” to show that they’ve completed bodies of work. They then wrap their projects around a theme (in this case, accessibility), which gives the reviewers further means of imagining the student’s area of impact.
After the student describes their past projects, it is especially compelling that they include the engineering focus that the M:IPD program will give to the student, since the reader has the context now to imagine where these added engineering skills will fit in the student’s skillset.
Naming specific classes that the student is interested in then shows that the student has done their research about the program and is genuinely excited about the day-to-day possibilities that the M:IPD program provides. While this student did this here as a follow-up to their projects which works for this student, you can also write these types of details in a “Why this Program” paragraph.
Onto the next paragraph:
My other domain of interest is within the field of technology ethics. Issues such as cell phone addiction, data privacy, and artificial intelligence development all intrigue me. I strongly believe that technology can be developed in a way that prioritizes human connection, empathy, and access. Using systems-level design solutions, I am interested in transforming not only technology products but also the process used to develop those products in order to craft humanistic technology solutions. Penn’s multidisciplinary framework is uniquely situated to help me create thoughtful and effective design solutions to technology’s most pressing issues. No consequential innovation can be created using just one discipline but rather requires tactful marrying of many key practices. I recognize that in order to improve quality of life through my design work I require a deeper understanding of business strategy and engineering practices. As such, I am excited about the ability to focus on a number of electives in order to take advantage of the M:IPD’s three-pronged focus and develop skills across human-centered design disciplines, especially in engineering.
Analysis:
This paragraph starts with relatable and very socially relevant issues: cell phone addiction, data privacy, and artificial intelligence. These situate the student’s work within a global and modern context; the student is compassionate and socially aware with their design.
Backing up the paragraph’s emphasis on interdisciplinary design by specifically mentioning “M:IPD’s three-pronged focus” is key to showing that this statement is specific to the M:IPD program.
While effective, it would have been more compelling for this paragraph to include another example of the student’s past work—one where “tactful marrying of many key practices” created a tangible result that readers can envision and be impressed by.
Onto the next paragraph:
Though Northwestern University does not have a full design degree program, I created my own path through my studies. Through the Segal Design Certificate program, I developed skills in human-centered design methodologies. I have a strong understanding of the product development process and the steps required to deliver on complex problems. To augment the program, I also participated in Advanced Design’s “Offsite” program which seeks to give developing designers the skills necessary to excel in design programs and studios. Consequently, I have proficiency in CAD, Keyshot, sketching, and physical prototyping methods. I am confident that I have the necessary skills to execute design projects, communicate my ideas, and craft effective solutions to problems that require innovation. Studying in the Weitzman School of Design and Penn Engineering would deepen this skillset and further expand it, so as to provide the skills necessary to deliver on my ideas.
Analysis:
The start of this paragraph is very strong—it shows how uniquely and actively the student chases after their own passions. They created a program to study what they wanted to, even when their university didn’t offer it!
Listing specific engineering skills is useful here to demonstrate that the student is ready to engage in a program that has an engineering component. This is not only advantageous by showing that the student is qualified with technical skills, but also shows initiative in being able to execute past projects.
Onto the next paragraph:
I have also held a number of work and internship experiences that would inform my work as both a student and a community member at Penn. In my role at Unity Technologies, I worked to identify issues with the grant evaluation process utilized by Unity’s Social Impact team. As a result of research, observation, and ideation I overhauled the grant writing and evaluation process to increase efficacy and ease of use. Currently, I work as a Design Lead at Iris Education, a startup that seeks to provide reliable and accessible information about US universities to international students. There, I run a team of four designers and developers to design the UI/UX and implement thoughtful design decisions into code. No matter my role in previous organizations, I am seen as a critical thinker and team player. Whether it be implementing one line of code or unifying a team to deliver an entire product, I am always striving to be a thoughtful and impactful problem-solver. If given the opportunity, I would work to continue growing as a leader in the Penn community and honing my collaborative skills on projects with my peers.
Analysis:
This paragraph establishes 2 new key dimensions for the student:
Industry experience, and
Leadership.
Importantly, in both roles, the student described what they did and the impact they had. In doing this, the reader can identify how their work ties in with the human and equity-centered design themes of the work they care about.
Finally, let’s look at how this student closes their personal statement
I want to be a truly innovative designer, working to increase equity and community. I see study at Penn as an invaluable opportunity to become a triple-threat problem solver, a chameleon that can be impactful in nearly any problem solving situation. To me, the M:IPD program would provide the best path towards becoming a more effective and adroit designer. Penn’s multidisciplinary approach and community resonate with me. I have many interests, from studying social policy to playing multiple instruments to being an elite fencer, and I thrive in communities where a wide variety of interests are not only celebrated but enhanced. I am looking for a learning community that sits at the intersection of my multidisciplinary interests. The last time I was on Penn’s campus was when I was competing against Penn’s women’s fencing team. Next year I hope to be on the other side, a member of the Penn educational community, cheering on my new home team.
Analysis:
This strongly-worded conclusion provides a comprehensive summary of the student, effectively wrapping up their SoP with a very organized and passionate bow. While the ending sentence reads as fun and personality-driven at first, it actually also functions to reiterate the student’s commitment to teamwork and support of people first. It’s easy to imagine where the student might fit as a peer in the M:IPD program’s cohort.
On a structural note, it may be interesting for a different version of this essay to include more details about the student’s fencing experience and how that might shape their aspirations and/or approaches to their work; it’s clear they’re skilled at fencing as an elite athlete and that fencing was one of their previous ties to UPenn. But perhaps this is a great place for future students to explore when writing their own essays!
Statement of purpose for graduate school example 7
Statement of purpose written by Zack, for the University of Rhode Island Graduate Program in Oceanography.
Overview and analysis by Carlos A.
Want to work with Carlos through your grad school admissions process? Schedule a call with our team to learn more here.
Overview
The below statement of purpose was written for an application for the Masters in Oceanography at the University of Rhode Island, Kingston. This applied graduate degree program provides students with an interdisciplinary foundation to study oceanography at a National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) Sea Grant institution. This NOAA Sea Grant designation provides for specific programs involved in scientific research on various dimensions of marine conservation and use. This degree program offers various specialties ranging from biological-based inquiry of marine research to atmospheric and geological areas of focus. This degree program seeks to provide students with interdisciplinary research experience to pursue applied degrees within the field of oceanography, potentially for further career advancement in marine conservation or research, or for further continuation of the study of oceanography at the doctoral level. Independent of specific outcomes, this Masters in Oceanography program provides students with an interdisciplinary approach towards strengthening their understanding of various aspects of marine oceanic health and changes.
In the following statement of purpose analysis, we assess a solid, successful statement of purpose which could also be further improved as a key component of a competitive application for this degree program.
Specifically, we focus on:
whether the applicant emphasizes intellectual interests congruent with the research focus of the academic department
whether past professional and personal experiences help shape these intellectual interests, and
how completion of the applied degree program will provide the applicant with the skillsets they need to advance their career objectives in the field of Oceanography.
Overall, this statement of purpose establishes a strong foundation anchoring a successful application to a very academically focused master’s degree program (though we’ll point out elements that could be further strengthened).
The applicant draws on personal preferences relating to interest in oceanography and his academic journey to inform the decision to pursue a graduate degree program in oceanography. Specifically, the student draws on his fascination with the ocean and his previous academic interest in the medical field to define his desire to study oceanography at URI. This is a compelling narrative and, coupled with a greater focus on the specific academic interest in oceanography and how these fit his post-degree career plans, will strengthen this application for a very research-focused academic program.
Read it in full first, or scroll down for a paragraph-by-paragraph analysis.
I was five years old, bundled in an oversized orange life jacket over the incredibly embarrassing sun-suit my mom insisted I wear. The translucent green water revealed a foreign, mystical world of vibrantly colored corals teaming with sea anemones and clownfish. I lay terrified on the oversized surfboard as my dad pushed me into a wave that was probably only a few inches tall but felt huge. I remember struggling to my feet, the colors of the reef zipping by as I sped through the water at what felt like a million miles per hour. That moment changed the trajectory of my life. The ocean would forever become my muse. My parents are water people: my dad, an avid surfer; my mom, an avid swimmer. I soon followed suit. My love for surfing, swimming, and beach days quickly grew to dominate my life.
Academically inclined and a straight-A student, I graduated college with honors. After two ill-fated medical school application cycles, however, I felt lost. Interviewing at different schools and meeting other applicants created a moment of clarity. While they wanted to discuss the pros and cons of different medical specialties, I wanted to look at weather models and swell charts. For the first time in my life, I turned away from academia and focused on other passions: travel, surfing, and exploring my place in the world. And, for the first time, doing so not through the lens of chasing academic success. I also continued to build my math and science tutoring business. I began tutoring in college as a way to make some money, but in the past few years of full-time tutoring, I’ve found that helping kids learn is rewarding in unexpected ways. I like helping kids become more excited about school and learning, seeing their “aha moments,” building bonds and helping mentor students, and feeling a sense of satisfaction upon seeing their (often unexpected) success. However, tutoring is very similar, year in and year out. For the most part, it’s the same curriculum – high school calculus and chemistry don’t really change that much.
One passion that has stayed constant, and even intensified over the years, is my love for the ocean. I’ve taken every opportunity to travel, explore the coastline, and chase swells into remote corners of the world. But, it has also become apparent in my travels how dramatically the ocean is changing. My favorite island in Indonesia is being developed at light-speed. Each time I return, more and more of the coral is dead, replaced by villas for the world’s wealthy. The little beachside town in Mexico I went to with my family, formerly a turtle sanctuary, now houses luxury resorts and golf courses. And even at home in San Francisco, the parking lot where I spent countless hours hanging out with friends before and after surfing has been lost to erosion. Everywhere I look, the natural world is collapsing around us, and nowhere is this more evident than in my own safe haven: the ocean. My life is in a period of transition, just like the planet we call home. As I’ve thought about what I want to accomplish with my career, I’ve realized that it’s my moral and ethical duty to protect the oceans, a place that has given me so much joy and shaped who I am. I want formal training to gain the knowledge, skills, and credibility to join this fight.
I’ve spent hours and days teaching myself how to read nautical charts and weather forecasts. I’ve stared at the ocean, trying to hypothesize how the bathymetry of the ocean floor might mean that the waves break bigger on a west versus a southwest swell direction. I’ve poured over satellite images and radar projections of storm movement and considered how that impacts wind direction. I’ve become a decent, self taught hack, but I’ve never studied the ocean in a formal academic setting. Now, I want to. The URI curriculum is the perfect fit to allow me to transition into a field about which I’m actually excited. Because I’ve never worked in the field, I appreciate that the curriculum is broad enough to allow exploration to determine my exact area of interest within oceanography. I’m excited about the opportunity for independent, experimental study to hone in on those areas. The online and self-paced nature of the program will allow me to continue working full time, pursue my recreational passion for the ocean, and start the process of pursuing a career for which I am passionate.
— — —
IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS:
I was five years old, bundled in an oversized orange life jacket over the incredibly embarrassing sun-suit my mom insisted I wear. The translucent green water revealed a foreign, mystical world of vibrantly colored corals teaming with sea anemones and clownfish. I lay terrified on the oversized surfboard as my dad pushed me into a wave that was probably only a few inches tall but felt huge. I remember struggling to my feet, the colors of the reef zipping by as I sped through the water at what felt like a million miles per hour. That moment changed the trajectory of my life. The ocean would forever become my muse. My parents are water people: my dad, an avid surfer; my mom, an avid swimmer. I soon followed suit. My love for surfing, swimming, and beach days quickly grew to dominate my life.
Academically inclined and a straight-A student, I graduated college with honors. After two ill-fated medical school application cycles, however, I felt lost. Interviewing at different schools and meeting other applicants created a moment of clarity. While they wanted to discuss the pros and cons of different medical specialties, I wanted to look at weather models and swell charts. For the first time in my life, I turned away from academia and focused on other passions: travel, surfing, and exploring my place in the world. And, for the first time, doing so not through the lens of chasing academic success. I also continued to build my math and science tutoring business. I began tutoring in college as a way to make some money, but in the past few years of full-time tutoring, I’ve found that helping kids learn is rewarding in unexpected ways. I like helping kids become more excited about school and learning, seeing their “aha moments,” building bonds and helping mentor students, and feeling a sense of satisfaction upon seeing their (often unexpected) success. However, tutoring is very similar, year in and year out. For the most part, it’s the same curriculum – high school calculus and chemistry don’t really change that much.
— — —
Analysis:
The preceding two paragraphs help draw a narrative of how past experiences motivate current intellectual interests:
In the first paragraph, the applicant describes a longstanding fascination with the ocean and water activities. This passage helps signal a enduring interest in the environment and activities relating to surfing and swimming.
In the second paragraph, the applicant notes being drawn back to the passion of the ocean, describing “two ill-fated medical school application cycles” as a key motivator for hitting the reset of sorts on their intellectual journal.
To an admissions committee, these two paragraphs signal tenacity in the pursuit of intellectual interests. Refocusing on the initial stated passion of the ocean, the applicant builds a narrative of returning to academia to pursue this deep-rooted interest. Coupled with sharing an enjoyable experience of tutoring students, the applicant is further arguing for a return to academia by combining two of his passions: the ocean and tutoring.
How can this section be improved?
First, what is lacking in this section is a clear, direct, coherent thesis statement as to why admissions into a graduate program would help reach professional objectives (for a statement of purpose, clarity and directness are more important than voice/style).
Second, and related, the first two paragraphs would ideally highlight professional objectives. The applicant provides a foundation towards answering these two questions by stating a passion for the ocean and for the academic pursuit of tutoring and mentoring. This can be more effectively tied together within the context of seeking admission in a research-based masters in Oceanography. For example, is admission into this program helpful with respect to developing the technical expertise to tutor and mentor students in an academic environment? Is that the goal? The first two paragraphs can be strengthened to signal how (1) the intellectual Oceanic interests fits well with the graduate program offered by the department and (2) how past experiences help shape the goals pursued within this academic program.
Now let’s take a look at the next paragraph:
One passion that has stayed constant, and even intensified over the years, is my love for the ocean. I’ve taken every opportunity to travel, explore the coastline, and chase swells into remote corners of the world. But, it has also become apparent in my travels how dramatically the ocean is changing. My favorite island in Indonesia is being developed at light-speed. Each time I return, more and more of the coral is dead, replaced by villas for the world’s wealthy. The little beachside town in Mexico I went to with my family, formerly a turtle sanctuary, now houses luxury resorts and golf courses. And even at home in San Francisco, the parking lot where I spent countless hours hanging out with friends before and after surfing has been lost to erosion. Everywhere I look, the natural world is collapsing around us, and nowhere is this more evident than in my own safe haven: the ocean. My life is in a period of transition, just like the planet we call home. As I’ve thought about what I want to accomplish with my career, I’ve realized that it’s my moral and ethical duty to protect the oceans, a place that has given me so much joy and shaped who I am. I want formal training to gain the knowledge, skills, and credibility to join this fight.
— — —
Analysis:
The preceding paragraph builds on the previous two paragraphs by further highlighting one key component of Oceanic interests, that of conservation. This could be highlighted much earlier given that this is directly congruent with the research interests of faculty within the URI department and one of the key learning outcomes of the master’s program offered. This signals strongly that the applicant has not only coordinated his academic interests with the academic specialty offered by the department, but also offers evidence as to the first to the specific focus (1) of how these interests intersect with the research focus of faculty, especially with respect to Oceanic conservation.
Finally, let’s see how this student closes their personal statement
I’ve spent hours and days teaching myself how to read nautical charts and weather forecasts. I’ve stared at the ocean, trying to hypothesize how the bathymetry of the ocean floor might mean that the waves break bigger on a west versus a southwest swell direction. I’ve poured over satellite images and radar projections of storm movement and considered how that impacts wind direction. I’ve become a decent, self taught hack, but I’ve never studied the ocean in a formal academic setting. Now, I want to. The URI curriculum is the perfect fit to allow me to transition into a field about which I’m actually excited. Because I’ve never worked in the field, I appreciate that the curriculum is broad enough to allow exploration to determine my exact area of interest within oceanography. I’m excited about the opportunity for independent, experimental study to hone in on those areas. The online and self-paced nature of the program will allow me to continue working full time, pursue my recreational passion for the ocean, and start the process of pursuing a career for which I am passionate.
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Analysis:
This last paragraph provides a critical component of the academic statement (which could be highlighted earlier in the SoP). In this section, there is a clear attempt to signal as to why the URI Oceanography program is a terrific fit for the applicant and why this program can help pursue a career in oceanography. Highlighting the online nature of the program and the flexibility this provides towards pursuing a career in Oceanography strongly signals that preliminary research was conducted prior to applying.
In this section, I would highlight (3) which specific scales the applicant would hope to pick up in this master’s program and how this would help advance their career objectives. What are these career objectives and what skills are needed to advance them? This would strengthen an already strong statement of purpose and add more of an academic narrative to a statement designed to explain why an applicant would like to pursue a graduate degree within a given department.
Final thoughts on Statements of Purpose
We hope that, with the above guide + statement of purpose examples, you feel well-equipped to draft and revise your own SoP. Be sure to give yourself plenty of time to write and revise—this is a key component of your grad school application. If you’d like to talk through ways we can support you, please feel free to contact us. And we wish you the best of luck on your application process.
Special thanks to CEG Grad School coaches Christine Rose, Kathy Liu, Kristin Joys, & Carlos A. for writing this post.
Christine Rose
Christine (she/her) holds a Master's of Literature from the University of Toronto and a PhD in the History of Consciousness from UCSC. Her research specializes in the history of medicine, British colonialism, LGBTQI+ studies, poststructuralism, historiography, and critical race theory. A former professor at Mills College, Macalester College, and UC Davis, she offered popular interdisciplinary courses, including The Bizarre History of Medicine, Sex Panics, and Deviance & Discipline: A History of American Citizenship. She has lectured internationally at institutions such as Oxford University, Humboldt University, and MIT. Her extracurricular activities include rescuing cats and turning simple dinner plans into ridiculously complicated gourmet feasts that require buying entirely unnecessary kitchen gadgets. She spends her winters in Miami and summers in Berlin.
Kathy Liu
Kathy (she/her) is a Ph.D. student at Harvard University in Materials Science & Mechanical Engineering. After completing her B.S. in Materials Science & Engineering at Stanford, she moved to the Netherlands on a Fulbright research fellowship. Her research focuses on making dynamic, stimuli-responsive materials such as skin-inspired electronics, biomedical materials, and soft robotics. No matter where she is, she's passionate about storytelling, community, and empowering others.
Carlos A.
Carlos (he/him) is a practicing academic originally from the Pacific Northwest. He holds a BA and PhD in political science from UCD along with a master’s in public policy from OSU. His research focuses on the nature of American elections and the factors that influence how legislators make decisions. His research has appeared in The Economist, New York Times, Washington Post, and Vox. In his spare time, he enjoys following his favorite professional baseball and college football teams while exploring the outdoors throughout the west coast, particularly in Southern California.
Kristin Joys
Kristin (she/her) has spent more than two decades enthusiastically educating and empowering changemakers. Since 2005 she has taught courses on Social Entrepreneurship & Sustainable Business at the University of Florida, where she co-founded and directs the Social Impact & Sustainability Initiative.
After earning a Ph.D. in Social Psychology in Sociology and a Graduate Certificate in Women & Gender Studies, Kristin earned a Post Doc in Management in Marketing from UF, graduate degrees in Social Entrepreneurship from INSEAD & Stanford Business School, and a certificate in Sustainable Business Strategy from Harvard Business School.
