College admissions vs. college applications: How involved should parents be—and when?

We juxtaposed “college admissions vs. college applications” because we think there’s an important difference. 

We think it can definitely be beneficial for parents/guardians to be involved in elements of the admissions process—but almost always in a supporting role, and preferably when their teen asks them. Kind of like when you were maybe helping them learn to drive: holding the wheel for them while they work the pedals doesn’t work out so well. So be there to be a sounding board for their ideas, nudge them to explore and reflect on their values and goals, accompany them on campus visits, model how to manage stress and emotion, and help them keep track of deadlines, but ultimately, make sure this feels like their process as they transition to adulthood.

That them-feeling-ownership part applies especially to college application choices, such as where to apply, communicating with admission officers, and in particular, essays (both because student voice is important and what admissions officers want to hear, and because they’re good at spotting when an adult has done a lot of writing/editing). It’s rare, but we’ve seen parents/guardians unintentionally sabotage their child’s application chances by being too heavy handed, especially with things like essays. Essentially, pay attention to when you might be confusing your interests or desires with theirs.

Two important areas where a parent/guardian may want to play more of a co-lead:

• Discussing finances

• Assessing how an institution supports a student’s needs.

We’ll get into more detail with financial aid in a bit, but you likely have a far better understanding of how debt will impact their future than they do (we have friends who thought loans were basically free money—great spot for an adult to step in and maybe clarify some things). Talk with them about family finances, about what you can or can’t help with (and be honest), about what they’ll be responsible for, and ideally, do so early in the process (though this is definitely a better-late-than-never kind of thing).

And you may also want to take more of an active role in understanding the relative strengths and weaknesses of various colleges your teen is interested in regarding things like mental health or academic support—what a college offers can vary greatly, and your understanding of your child and their needs can be important. 

The core takeaway here: Keep the focus on the student.